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Family
Events...
Achy Breaky Family
By Marybeth Hicks
Last week we asked your advice on dealing with families that don’t
insist their children use formal titles when speaking to adults, but
instead allow them to call all adults by their first names. Family
Events readers said:
Compromise. Most of the children of my friends, including my Sunday
School students either call me “Aunt Mary” or “Miss Marry.” ~ Mary
I agree that children should not address adults by their first names. I
did not allow my daughter to do this either. Such familiarity teaches
children that they share an equal status with adutls and since the
backgrounds, educational levels, accomplishments and ages are far
greater for adults, children are simply not equal. Addressing adults by
their first names teaches children not to respect adults. I think you
are very wise not to allow this behavior in your children. —Kelly
Once a student called me Dude and I told her quite close to her face:
“It is MRS. DUDE to you and I don’t want to hear that again.” —Susan
To the parents who would insist that my children call them by first
names, I would say...when my children are [with you], you may have them
call you whatever you like, but while they are in my care, they will
address you as Mr., Miss or Mrs. “insert last name here”. If it costs
me a friendship, so be it. I would rather lose a friendship with
someone who wants to treat their 10 year old as an equal than lose my
children to an undisciplined life. —AlanPaula
“When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family
happinesses.” —Joyce Brothers
Billy Ray Cyrus has
regrets
In a revealing interview for the upcoming edition of GQ Magazine, the
actor/country music icon (for the mullet) shares his grief over the
demise of his once-happy family and asserts that Disney’s “Hannah
Montana” destroyed their lives.
Moreover, Billy Ray admits that he was a poor disciplinarian, and worst
of all, that he sought to be his daughter’s friend, rather than a
strong father. “How many interviews did I give and say, ‘You know
what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my
kids’? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents
might say, ‘You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.’
Well, I’m the first guy to say to them right now: You were right.”
Now, what once appeared to be a close relationship is completely
broken. Billy Ray and Miley apparently aren’t speaking, and her life is
directed by Hollywood “handlers” who neither want nor welcome her
father’s input or advice.
Meanwhile, the woman who ought to have been Billy Ray’s best friend –
his wife, Tish – has moved on.
Any compassionate person can feel sorry for these folks, and I do to a
point. It’s possible they really didn’t anticipate the profound impact
that a wildly successful Disney career would have on their family. On
the other hand, Billy Ray had been through the fame thing before (don’t
pretend you can’t hum the tune to “Achy Breaky Heart”), and moreover,
his interview indicates they understood when they moved to Los Angeles
from Tennessee that they would need their faith as a shield against the
influences of the culture.
Yet, somehow, the culture won out. Now, Billy Ray expresses his regret
about taking the “Hannah Montana” opportunity, as though it was just
something that landed in their laps unexpectedly. He wishes it never
had “happened.”
Lessons they don’t teach
on the Disney Channel
What can we take from the Cyrus family’s experience? Let’s be realistic
-- their circumstances and attendant celebrity aren’t even remotely
like our everyday, American lives. (Unless you’re booking your family
portrait with famed photographer Annie Liebovitz!)
A couple of things come to my mind: First, be careful what you wish for
because you may get it. Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus were raising a strong
family back in Tennessee. They had all been baptized into the church.
But they wanted fame and fortune and they sold out their family to get
it.
We all need to keep our eyes on the right prize. The strongest of
families aren’t necessarily the ones with the most money or the biggest
houses or the most career success. In order to build a hedge of
protection around our families, we often must sacrifice a measure of
“success” that might endanger our relationships.
Secondly, we can’t wait until it’s too late to change course. Billy Ray
admits in the GQ interview that he had lost control of his daughter and
lost the essence of his family. Strong family leaders know when to fold
the tent and circle the wagons. In their case, it might have meant
walking away from Disney and all the glamour and financial success that
was actually tearing them apart. In our lives, that might mean saying
no to things that overload our schedules or create stress in our
relationships.
Finally, Billy Ray learned the hard way that kids don’t need friendship
from their parents, they need strong mothers and fathers who guard and
protect them and who make wise choices on behalf of their families.
Anyone can be a buddy to our kids, but playing the role of mom and dad
is something only we can do.
Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events!
Take good care until next week,
Marybeth
Read it online, or ask your question at Family Events
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