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Family
Events...
Managing the Media
Monster in Your Home
By Marybeth Hicks
Each week, we pose a question and ask for your answers! After all, no
one gives better advice than moms in the trenches. Have an answer to
share or a question to pose to our community of moms? Send it here. FamilyEventsEditor@eaglepub.com
Question: Our neighbors have a great family and are terrific folks, but
the media supervision in their home is pretty lax. I’m concerned that
my son is exposed to violent games and movies when playing there that
we don’t allow in our home. Should I confront the parents? What else
can I do? Tell us what you think on our Facebook page.
“The family is the most basic unit of government. As the first
community to which a person is attached and the first authority under
which a person learns to live, the family establishes society’s most
basic values.”
Last year, the Kaiser Family Foundation released a study that showed
the amount of time American kids spend engaged each day with various
media grew to an average of 7.3 hours — more if you count “media
multi-tasking” (surfing the net while watching TV).
Think of that — the average kid spends more than seven hours a day
engaged with media! And that didn’t even include the time they spend
texting.
Essentially, this study proves what we parents already know — we’re
competing with media for our children’s hearts, minds and values — and
we’re not always winning.
As a mom of four teens and young adults ages 13 to 21, I’ve learned to
manage the media monster in my home. The biggest challenge for me has
never been deciding what to allow for my family, or even monitoring the
use of media at our house, but often feeling that no matter what I did
to protect my kids’ wholesomeness and innocence, the people who create
media content for children and teens are deliberately trying to corrupt
them.
It never bothered me to be the “mean mom” who said no to PG13 movies,
violent video games, MTV (not just some shows — the whole network!),
cell phones for pre-teens, or televisions in the bedrooms. That’s
because my rules about media have always reflected my beliefs about
what is best for my children. When it comes to assuring their
well-being, I’m never worried about making popular decisions — only
right ones.
In the past month, MTV — the most widely viewed network among 12- to
18-year-olds — launched a show called “Skins” that has been labeled
child pornography by the Parent’s Television Council. This supposed
“teen drama” glamorizes promiscuous sex, sexuality exploration, drug
use, cigarette smoking, lying, cheating, contempt for adults in
authority, and other immoral, unethical, unhealthy attitudes and
behaviors.
Years of research have taught us that media content isn’t benign. Kids
are measurably influenced by sex, violence, language and attitudes they
see in all formats of entertainment media. Yet the people who produce
this garbage defend their show by claiming, “this is what teens are
already doing.” They refuse to take responsibility for influencing the
behavior of our young people with content that can only be described as
deliberately demeaning and destructive.
Is censorship the answer?
As Americans, we bristle at the idea of censorship. I’m a newspaper
columnist, so I’m especially sensitive to the idea that freedom of
speech might be limited based on someone else feeling offended. But
that doesn’t mean MTV has a right to exploit and corrupt young people.
PTC has asked U.S. Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. and the
judiciary committees of both houses of Congress to investigate the
show, since the use of underage actors in graphic sexual situations may
violate several anti-child pornography laws. PTC also has employed its
tried-and-tested free market solution to foiling MTV’s efforts to
pollute the airwaves: Pressuring advertisers to drop their funding of
smut TV for kids.
On the other hand, I do advocate censorship in our homes. Adults must
act as censors or filters of the media that invades our households.
At my home, we view the media like we view the ocean. It’s big. It’s
beautiful. And it offers untold opportunities to explore and learn and
grow. But it also holds the potential for danger. Just as we teach our
kids to safely enjoy the ocean, we mustn’t let them wander into the
dangerous waters of popular media without the skills, values and
supervision to protect them.
Now that my kids are getting older, I can see that my efforts to
monitor the media in our home paid off. They’ve become media literate
and know how to choose media content that reflects their values.
How to handle media at home
If you’re trying to manage the media monster at your house, here are a
few tips:
Remember it’s your job to shelter your kids from harmful media content.
Decide what’s allowed in your house — including how much media time you
think is appropriate — and make sure your children know your rules for
choosing and enjoying media.
Supervise! Keep the TV and computer in public rooms of the house, and
don’t be shy about listening to your child’s music player. Know what
they’re watching and listening to and what web sites they visit, and
talk openly about the content so your kids know what you like, what you
don’t like and why.
Be decisive and stick to your decisions. Don’t worry that your child
will be the only one at the lunch table who doesn’t know what happened
on “Gossip Girl.” Instead, worry more about the message it could send
to your child when you let them absorb media content that is contrary
to your values.
Say yes to good stuff! Work together with your child to find positive
alternatives in media content. There’s a lot of great media stuff out
there that you can support.
You’re not alone!
If you feel like you’re all alone trying to control the beast that we
call media, find compatriots! One of the best sources of support is
other women and moms. That’s why in addition to this weekly e-letter,
we’ve started a Facebook fan page to help us connect with one another.
If you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join us here.
As your Family Events editor, my job is to scour the Internet, local
bookstores, the mass media and even the school parking lot for advice,
expertise and ideas to help us tackle problems like controlling our
kids’ exposure to media and other issues that we all face in today’s
culture. I’m committed to bringing you timely articles, insightful
analysis and plenty of entertaining features to energize your role as a
woman, wife, mom, stepmom, grandma, sister, aunt, friend — whatever
place you hold in your family!
So again, welcome! I’m glad we’ve connected.
Take good care until next week,
Marybeth
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