Editor’s Note: A tribute to Lt.
Columbo for all the fans who miss him.
Townhall...
Just
One More Thing
By Paul Greenberg
6/29/2011
Thomas
Friedman was right. The world
is flat, or at least it seemed so last week when the news came that
Peter Falk,
aka Columbo, had died at 83. For 30 of those years, he had regularly
delighted
television audiences as a not-as-dumb-as-he-looks detective. Every
third week,
he invariably caught the killer, who of course was depicted as the very
soul of
sophistication, and at the end of the show wound up as surprised as
viewers
weren’t to find that this cop wid a working-class accent had outwitted
him.
We
never learned the fictional
Columbo’s first name, or if he had one -- I think it was Lieutenant --
but I
definitely envied him his beat-up old car, a classic Peugeot, which had
the
appeal of the authentically well worn, almost outworn.
For
the same reason, I’ve always
yearned for the kind of crumpled linen suit of indeterminate shape that
Charles
Laughton wore as the classic very Southern senator, Seb Cooley of South
Carolina, in the movie version of “Advise and Consent.” Some outfits
have a
life of their own, speaking at least as convincingly as the actors.
When it
comes to communicating, they can beat all the dialogue in a predictable
script.
Columbo
himself sported a nondescript
raincoat from maybe the ‘50s, It might have been hanging in a closet --
the back
of a cramped closet -- for the intervening decades gathering wrinkles,
absorbing grease spots, becoming eminently forgettable, and generally
acquiring
character.
I’ve
got a hat like that and love its
every well-earned crease and smudge. A friend calls it my “Go to Hell”
hat, and
it looks as if it’s been there and back.
Columbo’s
trademark phrase was always
reserved till the end of some crucial interview with the slick villain,
who
should always have been played by Louis Calhern at his oiliest. Offered
in the
manner of just an offhand afterthought, Columbo’s phrase prefaces the
question
that will unravel the killer’s well-planned alibi.
“Aaaaah
... Just one more thing,”
Columbo would say, turning around after he’d already started to leave
the
suspect’s mansion/luxurious hotel suite/hunting lodge. Then he’d throw
out the
key question like a hunter putting out a bear trap. Or like some
congressional
investigator making casual conversation. (“I didn’t know you had an
interest in
birding, Mr. Hiss. Did you ever happen to see a prothonotary warbler?”
Or, in
more contemporary times. “Sir, would you remember if Miss Lewinsky had
a blue
dress?”)
In
Columbo’s case, the “just one more
thing” would come across as but another sign of his disheveled,
absent-minded and
generally inept persona. And therefore completely disarm the suspect.
For how
could a slob like that pose any threat to a clever villain?
Columbo
was the kind of gumshoe who
would reach into a tattered pocket for a telling piece of evidence ...
and fish
out last week’s shopping list. Steady viewers weren’t caught off guard,
but for
some reason the bad guy always was. (Maybe he was too cultured to have
watched
much television.) The, aaaaah, just one more thing would always prove
the
thing. And just as inevitably, our shabby hero would emerge triumphant
in the
last scene.
Peter
Falk’s disarming manner wouldn’t
have been half so convincing without the cockeyed look he gave Columbo,
which
was no act at all. He’d lost an eye at an early age (a case of
childhood
cancer) and wore one of glass, which in unreal life had a way of
popping up in
strange places, like in a glass of gin that the great jazz pianist Art
Tatum
had been drinking.
The
prosthesis only added to Peter
Falk’s unlikely charm. Anybody who’s ever had a New Yorker for a
brother-in-law
will be familiar with the general character, and the whole, gritty
milieu of
Gotham that Peter Folk could invoke with just one glassy look.
The
actor came by his fictional
persona honestly, having been a cook in the merchant marine and
generally the
kind of hard worker who makes his talent seem natural. The result was
that,
whenever Hollywood needed a character with street smarts and a certain
farcical
appeal, Peter Falk got the part. And not just in comedies, for he was a
craftsman whose work shone in John Cassavete’s realistic films
“Husbands” and
“A Woman Under the Influence.” Life without him will be a little
flatter till
just one more thing occurs: There are always the re-runs.
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