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“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash –
nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
A Pin Drop, Ford
& your PC
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson
For those of you who have been waiting with baited breath for the
return of Verities & Balderdash… well… a few of you have mentioned
them… well… actually, one person did… a long time ago… so here we go
again.
The first is one more “thank you” to those who serve us… if you tend to
be touchy about our foreign relations, I suggest you skip Pin Drop. If
you tend to be touchy about your PC, I suggest you skip Gates &
Ford.
County News Online neither ensures the accuracy, nor endorses the point
of view, of any V&B, now or in the future. They are the opinions of
those who fed them over the Internet. The editor assumes personal
responsibility for offering them to CNO readers.
Now that the required “disclaimer” has been taken care of, enjoy.
Pin Drop
At a time when our president and other politicians tend to apologize
for our country’s prior actions, here’s a refresher on how some of our
former patriots handled negative comments about our country.
JFK’S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60’s
when DeGaule decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaule said he wanted all
U.S. military out of France as soon as possible.
Rusk responded, “Does that include those who are buried here?”
You could have heard a pin drop.
When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked
by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an
example of ‘empire building’ by George Bush.
He answered by saying, “Over the years, the United States has sent many
of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom
beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in
return is enough to bury those that did not return.”
You could have heard a pin drop.
There was a conference in France where a number of international
engineers were taking part, including French and American. During
a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying,
“Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an
aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he
intend to do, bomb them?”
A Boeing engineer replied quietly: “Our carriers have three
hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are
nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore
facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000
people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of
fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen
helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from
their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France
have?”
You could have heard a pin drop.
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included
admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French
Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large
group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a
French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many
languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, “Why is it that
we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than
speaking French?”
Without hesitating, the American admiral replied, “Maybe it’s because
the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t
have to speak German.”
You could have heard a pin drop.
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his
carry on.
“You have been to France before, monsieur?” The customs officer asked
sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.”
The American said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”
“Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival
in France!”
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he
quietly explained, ‘’Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day
in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single
Frenchmen to show a passport to.”
You could have heard a pin drop.
Gates & Ford
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, ‘If Ford had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’
In response to Bill’s comments, Ford issued a press release stating:
If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash. Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before
you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run
on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’
warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before
deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine
off.
PS - I‘d like to add that when all else fails, you could call
‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some
foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!
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