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“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash –
nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Verities & Balderdash
Getting Old
Edited by Bob Robinson
Twenty years ago, I’d read something like this and get a good chuckle.
“I’ve got a few years to go,” I’d always think to myself. Today, I’m
there… well, getting there.
For all you youngsters out there, join in the chuckles. Just don’t
forget: Some day you’ll get there, too.
Enjoy…
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an
affair. She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD.'
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply
replied, 'No peer pressure.'
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought
prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me
dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour… but, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast
relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10
others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember
who they are!
Editor’s Note: I don’t remember, so I decided to publish this instead.
Always REMEMBER this:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing...
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can
still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
All God's Blessings
In God We Trust
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