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“Verity - the quality or state of
being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Verities & Balderdash
The Death of Common
Sense
Edited by Bob Robinson
I can’t remember the first time I saw this… it was probably 10 years
ago after I first arrived in Greenville. I was still getting my feet
wet in the “hot seat” as Managing Editor of The Daily Advocate.
How many of you remember the publisher who hired me? Yup. Rodd Hale,
Greenville’s current Safety Service Director. He’s a good man, and
based on everything I’ve heard, doing an excellent job in his new
career.
Once again I digress. I had just arrived from California, the Golden
State from which all things – good and bad – originate. It was the
birthplace of “if it feels good do it,” fuzzy math,
“spell-it-the-way-it-sounds” English, “gang-slang” is a language, tree
hugging and the real estate meltdown. All got their start there in the
decades preceding the 21st Century.
I was delighted to leave the state where Common Sense had been placed
on life support by California’s growing and increasingly powerful
Political Correctness.
I didn’t realize Common Sense had actually passed away, however, until
I arrived in what I thought was a still conservative Midwest. I’d have
attended the funeral if I’d known the location of Whispering Pines.
For what it’s worth, I don’t typically consider a Verities &
Balderdash to be lead story material. This exception – at least in my
opinion – is warranted based upon today’s political climate. I hope you
agree.
Read the obituary – once again – and weep…
The Death of Common Sense
By Lori Borgman
Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am
mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
His obituary reads as follows:
Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure
at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his
birth records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of
bureaucratic red tape.
Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound
Thinking, he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes,
schools, hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a
lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering. Rules and regulations and
petty, frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S.
A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to
know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird
gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet. C.S. also
developed sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn),
reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and
prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and
orange juice).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the
Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry
cultural and educational trends including disco, the men’s movement,
body piercing, whole language and new math.
C.S.’s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected
with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus. In the following decades his
waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal
and state rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was
sapped of strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, criminals received better treatment than victims and judges
stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional
baseball and golf. His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented
zero-tolerance policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual
harassment for kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig
of Scope mouthwash after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol
and an honor student expelled for having a table knife in her school
lunch were more than his heart could endure.
As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was
kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets
and mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan
to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a
pollutant that may be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his
last. Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded
in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one
son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.
Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational
Thought.
Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.
Note from Lori Borgman: This piece was first published March 15, 1998
in the Indianapolis Star. It has been “modified” and “edited” by others
and circulated on the Internet, even sent to me several times. Imagine
my surprise to see it attributed to some guy named Anonymous. If
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I take having my work
circulated on the web as a compliment.
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