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“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash –
nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Verities & Balderdash
The Post Turtle
Edited by Bob Robinson
‘Tis the season for political humor. Needless to say, the vast majority
of emails received from readers are regarding the current
administration. Check out the following collection if you’re ready for
a chuckle or two.
If not, take a pass. You’ve been warned.
Solving the Budget Problem
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that
the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of
illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back
home.
I started to cry when I thought of you.
Then it dawned on me... oh, darn... I’ll see you on the bus!
The War against Al-Gebra
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International airport as she attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a
calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder
said he believes the woman is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra
movement.
He did not identify the woman, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like “X” and “Y”
and refer to themselves as “unknowns” but we have determined that they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates
in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say,
“There are 3 sides to every triangle.”
The irony of it all
Isn’t It Ironic? The food stamp program, part of the Department
of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of
food stamps ever.
Meanwhile, the Park Service, also part of the Department of
Agriculture, asks us to “please do not feed the animals” because the
animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.
How many will pass this
test? (Not political)
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She
seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single
roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m
completely nude.” With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled
the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs
new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
“Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her
winnings and her clothes and quickly parted.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them
asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know - I
thought you were watching.”
Moral of the story…
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb... but all men...
are men!
The Post Turtle
You’ve got to love this rancher’s outlook and common sense approach to
life…
While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose
hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor
struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got
around to Obama, and his being our president.
The old rancher said, “Well, ya know, Obama is just a Post Turtle.”
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked,
What’s a “Post Turtle?”
The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you
come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post
turtle.”
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he
continued to explain.
“You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up
there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, he sure as heck
ain’t goin’ anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of idiot put him up
there in the first place.”
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