|
|
“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash –
nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Verities & Balderdash
The Older Crowd
Edited by Bob Robinson
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.
“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed
has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“’Yes, I’m afraid so,”’ the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m
wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this
prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t
go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and
live with you and your wife....”
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them
say “you don’t look that old.”
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to
know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren’t paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such
a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull
up your zipper... what’s worse is when you forget to pull it down.
“Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!”
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for
my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my
wife, too.... I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her.... what does
she look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom... wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short
shorts. What does your wife look like?
To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter… Let’s look for yours!
Finally, there’s “The Bathtub Test”…
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether
or not an older person should be put in an old age home?”
“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a
teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket
because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
near the window?”
Oops, almost forgot. There is one more…
Global Facts About Sex
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading a Verities & Balderdash blog.
You hang in there, sunshine.
From your V&B editor… See you next time!
|
|
|
|
