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“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash –
nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Verities & Balderdash
Noah Today
Sent by a CNO reader
In the year 2012, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
Oregon, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become evil and I see the end of all flesh
before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along
with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have
six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for
40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
- but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system."
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the Neighborhood By-Laws by
building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a
decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electric Company demanded a boat load
of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I
told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls
- but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build
the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building
crew."
"Immigration is checking the Visa status of most of the people who want
to work."
"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only Union workers with ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my
assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it."
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