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The
views expressed
on this page are soley those of the author and do not
necessarily
represent the views of County News Online
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Older &
Wiser
From a CNO reader
1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way
much faster now.
2. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now
they drink like their fathers.
3. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like
someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
4. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I
decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
5. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't
met yet.
6. Old age is coming at a really bad time.
7. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a
grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
8. The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."
9. I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very
wise.
10. Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is
just a piece of paper.
11. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
12. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna
transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
13. Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
14. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering
what I went in there for.
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