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You’re Never
Ready to Get Married. But That Shouldn’t Stop You.
Dennis Prager
January 02, 2018
In every age, people say and believe things that aren’t true but
somehow become accepted as “conventional wisdom.”
The statement “I’m not ready to get married” is a current example. Said
by more and more Americans between the ages of 21 and 40 (and some who
are older than that), it usually qualifies as both meaningless and
untrue. And it is one reason a smaller percentage of Americans are
marrying than ever before.
So, here’s a truth that young Americans need to hear:
Most people become “ready to get married” when they get married.
Throughout history, most people got married at a much younger age than
people today. They were hardly “ready.” They got married because
society and/or their religion expected them to. And then, once married,
people tended to rise to the occasion.
The same holds true for becoming a parent. Very few people are “ready”
to become a parent. They become ready … once they become a parent. In
fact, the same holds true for any difficult job. What new lawyer was
“ready” to take on his or her first clients? What new teacher,
policeman, firefighter is “ready?”
You get ready to do something by doing it.
In addition, at least two bad things happen the longer you wait to get
“ready” to be married.
One is that, if you are a woman, the number of quality single men
declines. Among deniers of unpleasant realities—people known as
progressives, leftists, and feminists—this truth is denied and labelled
“sexist.” But, as Susan Patton, a Princeton graduate, wrote in an
article titled “Advice for the young women of Princeton,” published in
Princeton’s student newspaper: “Find a husband on campus before you
graduate. … From a sheer numbers perspective, the odds will never be as
good to be surrounded by all of these extraordinary men.”
The other bad thing that happens when people wait until they are
“ready” to get married is that they often end up waiting longer and
longer. After a certain point, being single becomes the norm and the
thought of marrying becomes less, not more, appealing. So over time you
can actually become less “ready” to get married.
And one more thing: If you’re 25 and not ready to commit to another
person, in most cases—even if you are a kind person, and a responsible
worker or serious student—“I’m not ready to get married” means “I’m not
ready to stop being preoccupied with myself,” or to put it as directly
as possible, “I’m not ready to grow up.” (No job on earth makes you
grow up like getting married does.)
People didn’t marry in the past only because they fell in love. And
people can fall in love and not marry — as happens frequently today.
People married because it was a primary societal value. People
understood that it was better for society and for the vast majority of
its members that as many individuals as possible commit to someone and
take care of that person. Among other things, when people stop taking
care of one another, the state usually ends up doing so. Just compare
the percentage of single people receiving welfare versus the percentage
of married people.
Nor is the argument that the older people are when they marry, the less
likely they are to divorce. This only applies in any significant way to
those who marry as teenagers versus those who marry later. Moreover,
the latest data are that those who marry in their early 30s are more
likely to divorce than those who marry in their late 20s.
And then there is the economic argument. Many single men, for example,
say they are not ready to get married because they don’t have the
income they would like to have prior to getting married. As responsible
as this may sound, however, this is not a particularly rational
argument.
Why is marrying while at a low income a bad idea? In fact, marriage may
be the best way to increase one’s income. Men’s income rises after
marriage. They have less time to waste, and someone to help support—two
spurs to hard work and ambition, not to mention that most employers
prefer men who are married. And can’t two people live on less money
than each would need if they lived on their own, paying for two
apartments?
In addition to economic benefits, the vast majority of human beings do
better when they have someone to come home to, someone to care for, and
someone to care for them. And, no matter how much feminists and other
progressives deny it, children do best when raised by a married couple.
There are, most certainly, superb single parents. But every superb
single parent I have ever spoken to wishes they had had a spouse with
whom to raise their children.
Throughout history, and in every society, people married not when they
were “ready” to marry, but when they reached marriageable age and were
expected to assume adult responsibilities.
Finally, this statement reflects another negative trend in society—that
of people being guided by feelings rather than by standards or
obligations. We live in an Age of Feelings. Aside from the rational and
moral problems that derive from being guided by feelings rather than by
reason and values, there is one other problem. In life, behavior shapes
feelings. Act happy, you’ll feel happy. Act single, you’ll feel single.
Act married, you’ll feel married.
Do it, in other words. Then you’ll be “ready.”
Read this and other articles at The Daily Signal
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