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Family Events...
Manhattan mom needs a
reality check
By Marybeth Hicks
Did you hear about the New York City mother who’s suing her child’s
preschool because she believes the teachers there didn’t prepare her
daughter for admission to an Ivy League university?
I couldn’t make this up. It’s true.
Nicole Imprescia filed a lawsuit against Manhattan’s York Avenue
Preschool for a refund of the $19,000 per year she paid in tuition. She
claims the preschool didn’t prepare her four-year-old for the entrance
exams that would have gained her admission to a premier, private
elementary school, and thus, her chances of getting into an Ivy League
college already are dashed.
Apparently, the lawsuit claims the school was just “one big playroom.”
The school’s website indicates they offer a curriculum that seeks to
develop preschoolers’ social, emotional, cognitive, language and
physical skills.
I hate to break it to Ms. Imprescia, but in preschool, that sort of
learning looks a lot like play - and it should!
Clearly, this little girl may have bigger issues down the road than
college admission. Or, as my husband likes to joke, one of our duties
as parents is to give our children something to tell the therapist when
they’re adults.
Preschool is another word for “play”
This crazy story reminds me of an urgent email I received a few weeks
ago from a friend who had concerns about the messages she was getting
from her son’s preschool teacher. Apparently, the cause for concern was
his inability to sit still, recite the alphabet, count objects, and
manipulate crayons and pencils. The little guy is only four years old.
My girlfriend didn’t think her son was developmentally delayed, but the
preschool teacher’s comments caused her to worry she was missing
something.
I emailed back right away and told her she was right. She’s missing a
preschool teacher with common sense!
The best advice I could offer to my friend was to grab a copy of Your
Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful by Louise Bates Ames, the guru of
child development.
Within a day, my girlfriend emailed again to say, “Whew!” Once she
learned what is normal and appropriate for a developing four-year-old,
she knew that the problem was her son’s teacher, who demanded too much
cognitive progress, and not her son. He was as right as rain!
A preschool setting should offer ample opportunities for children to do
the “work” of growing, learning, exploring and mastering new skills,
and should be staffed by folks who understand that normal development
varies among children.
The fast track from preschool to Princeton
If you really want to assure your child has a shot at an Ivy League
life - or for whatever the future may hold - the best strategy is to
focus on who he is, not what he does.
When we help our children to grow in virtues such as perseverance,
trustworthiness, humility, self-discipline, moderation, honor,
civility, reverence and reason, we give them the tools to achieve
whatever dreams and goals their ambition suggests.
Instilling these virtues is the most important aspect of parenting and
begins when our children are still very young (preschool!). We teach
them to try their best to do hard things, tell the truth, follow
through on the tasks we assign to them, speak respectfully to others
and behave appropriately in various situations. This is how we equip
our kids with the competencies and confidence to pursue big plans for
themselves.
As they get older, we’ll have lots of chances to help our children
enjoy the fruits of these virtues. Getting good grades, achieving in
sports or music or the arts, excelling in science fairs and math
competitions, or being recognized for public service at a young age are
all wonderful accomplishments - for our kids, not for us!
So let’s all take a lesson from that maniacal mom in Manhattan and
remember that our job as parents isn’t to plot out some magnificent
success story for our kids, but to help them grow up with excellent
character and be the best they can be at whatever they set out to
achieve.
Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events!
Take good care until next week,
Marybeth
Read it, along with questions and answers of the week, at Family Events
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