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“Verity
- the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
AAADD and Math
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson
This is for my aging friends… a group I have joined with few
misgivings. I’ve earned it!
AAADD. It comes to
all of us… know the symptoms. Thank goodness there’s a name for this
disorder. Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention
Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mailbox earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
And notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
On the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
Since I’m going to be near the mailbox
When I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my checkbook off the table,
And see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
So I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the cup of coffee I’d been drinking.
I’m going to look for my checks,
But first I need to push the Coffee aside
So that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
The Coffee is getting cold,
And I decide to make another cup.
As I head toward the kitchen with the cold coffee,
A vase of flowers on the counter
Catches my eye -- they need water.
I put the Coffee on the counter and
Discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
But first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
But I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
But first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
Get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
Remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
The car isn’t washed
The bills aren’t paid
There is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter
The flowers don’t have enough water
There is still only 1 check in my checkbook,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
And I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
And I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
And I’ll try to get some help for it,
But first I’ll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor.
Send this message to everyone you know,
Because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.
Don’t laugh -- if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming…
How many of you have been told you have to “give” 100 percent in
everything you do? How many of you have been told you have to “give”
110 percent, or even 120 percent at work?
Here is the mathematical logic of those demands. There are two
“off-color” words that I don’t “spell out,” but will still be perfectly
obvious. If you feel this might offend you, stop here. You still had a
great V&B for today…
Some Math + Logic:
Here is some indisputable mathematical logic. Remember, this is a
strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all
been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How
about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And
B-U-L-L-S-*-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
And look how far a** kissing will take you.
A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard Work
and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s
the Bulls**t and A** Kissing that will put you over the top.
Thought for the day: Remember, some people are alive simply because
it’s illegal to shoot them.
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.
Bob Robinson is the
retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to
receive a daily notification comments, opinions and reports from County
News Online, send your email address to: countynewsonline@gmail.com.
Feel free to express your views.
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