Family Events...
Stay in sync or kids will divide and conquer!
By Marybeth Hicks
July 8, 2011 

Here’s a familiar scenario: Child wanders into the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon and asks for an ice cream treat. Mom says no. 

Child meanders to the den where dad is on the computer and says, “Mom says I can’t have a popsicle but I want one. Can I have one?” Dad says, “Sure. And bring me a purple one.” 

Child heads back to the kitchen and helps himself to two treats, while mom wonders why she bothers to make decisions when no one listens to her.

Conflict ensues. 

If you’ve ever felt like you have the parental authority of a potted plant, you’re not alone. Parental disagreements about privileges, discipline, and routines are common causes of marital conflict. In fact, parenting is one of the top three causes of strife in marriage (if you didn’t know that money and sex are the other two, you’re obviously not married!) 

In fact, not only are parenting disputes a source of strife and stress within marriage, but couples who fight about parenting decisions tend to be the least effective as well. 

Being “on the same page” increases parental authority for both mom and dad, because children realize that together, they are an impenetrable force that can’t be manipulated. Even when parents fundamentally disagree on a strategy or decision related to their children, showing a unified front tells the kids that the adults are in full control. 

Moms and dads are different! 

One of the reasons parents argue about what’s best for their children is that mothers and fathers bring completely unique dispositions, skills, and priorities to the parenting mix. The trick is to respect those differences and use them to your advantage. 

Experts agree that parents must keep their disagreements private and away from their children. Kids need a strong, unified front in order to feel that the adults in the home are speaking together with authority. 

Whether it’s a minor issue like whether to allow a mid-day snack, or a major decision about educational choices, privileges, or punishment for bad behavior, dissention between mom and dad hurts the kids most. 

Check out the articles and resources below to learn more about effective discipline as a couple, and how best to land on the same page for the benefit of the whole family. 

Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events! 

Take good care until next week, 

Marybeth 

This week’s question: My husband thinks it’s OK for our 12 year old to get a Facebook page. I say absolutely not. She has heard us arguing about this issue and tries to jump into the conversation. Next thing I know, it’s me against them, which feels very unhealthy. I think we should present a unified front on these kinds of decisions and keep our discussions from the kids. I don’t want to back down on this issue, but I’m worried our fights are counter productive. Should I just give in? Share your insights on our Family Events Facebook page. 

Read the article, plus last week’s responses, at Family Events