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The
Other Side of the Edge….
THE ROLE
REVERSAL
By Joe Facinoli
There they were, all cutesy, and so giddy with excitement and
anticipation, trying not to be too obvious about anything, as if they
hadn't passed that point already, and as if their smile plastered faces
wouldn't totally give something
away.
They had strategically taken the two seats opposite the couch, leaving
that for me, there in the modest sized living room. The
chosen
chairs, overstuffed platform rockers actually, were separated by a
small table, which held a lamp, an old newspaper, some other papers,
and a couple of books. I'm sure they thought that this
arrangement,
forcing me to use the stiff backed sofa, and with those various
everyday articles keeping them temporarily apart, would make for a
better presentation, at least initially.
As I entered the room, two joyfully entwined sets of hands were quickly
withdrawn, to more blameless positions in their own guiltless
laps.
And after catching first sight of me, as I hesitated for a moment just
beyond the doorway, their futile attempts at stifling their sweet and
innocent smiles, were wholly unsuccessful.
With stolen glances, each at the other and affected quickly, followed
closely by careful examinations of their own now idle, yet fidgety
hands, so restless in those otherwise well-mannered laps, the setting
was made complete for what was about to unfold.
It was a scene that has been played out in thousands of other American
homes, and more likely millions. And if not everyday, then
at least
that many during any given year. Proud female invites male
friend to
her home, to meet the family, show him off, and then hopefully gain
approval from those near and dear to her, in order to have him
recognized, duly and officially, as the "boyfriend".
But, it was also a scene that was completely new and unfamiliar to me,
the likes of which I had not yet had the pleasure to experience, on the
long list of family responsibilities, duties, and
obligations. One
that I had been expecting, however, and had looked forward to, with
nervous but prideful anticipation.
My brother, and both of my sisters, had filled me in on such
happenings, but I had yet to go through it, and wasn't sure exactly
what would be happening here, much less how I would handle it.
So, I took my "assigned" seat, being fairly directed there, as it were,
and did my best to make the other occupants of the room feel a bit more
comfortable with our “situation". Possessing a small bit of
knowledge
for what was coming, from many of my own
life's lessons, I was easily
several steps ahead of the other two main participants in this “Three
Penny Opera”, who, at this point, were clearly struggling for the right
words, and the correct demeanor.
Introductions were made, hands were shaken, with the "friend" almost
leaping out of his seat to find, then grasp mine, pumping it quite a
few more times than is customary, or was necessary. But it
did make a
good initial impression, as to his manners, and his deference for my
place in this family play.
Polite pleasantries began to tumble from tense and pensive lips (at
least from those in the chairs),
followed by more specific small talk,
then more meaty topics, and finally, onto the relevant issue at
hand.
I could hardly hide my own smile, which continually tried to overtake
my purposely, and artificially, pursed lips and stern look, and which
was waiting inside me, not so patiently, for just the right moment to
burst forth.
The "friend" now seemed to be taking over the conversation, probably to
alleviate his nerves, if nothing else. But he drew a nice
picture of
himself, describing persuasively his current experiences, as well as
enough of those passed, to make his story sell. He was
doing well,
…..so far.
Having sat before many clients, some of great power or position, I have
had to make many of these same types of "pitches", where only a "yes"
or a "no" answer will be the final outcome, no matter how clever, nor
eloquent, my efforts. So I understood, and had some
empathy.
But we soon found that we did
share a few things, including various
likes and dislikes, and even some pastimes and hobbies. So
the
conversation began to take on a different tone, and a more relaxed
atmosphere found its way into the room. Still, with the
knowledge
that I held the ultimate verdict for this "meeting", the other two
carefully measured their speech, and their actions.
They discussed how they had met, and what they had done together since
that time, and explained properly their feelings for each
other. I,
of course, assumed the worst, but took them at their word (what else
could I do),
that only public meetings, and a few private dinners, had
been shared so far.
Bravely, the "friend" reached across the table, past the lamp, and
gently took hold of his dearest's hand, which had slowly risen to meet
his. He even softly caressed it, politely and tastefully,
with his
thumb, and then placed it back down on her knee. He shot a
quick look
my way, almost wincing, to see if that had been a game
changer. He
was in luck, …...to this point.
Now emboldened, she moved
more quickly, and suddenly took his hand back
and held it, tightly, in her formerly innocent lap, and even used her
other hand
to hold it, as well!
Shyly, and self-consciously, she turned her slightly tilted head, and
her rapidly blinking eyes towards mine, hoping to find some kind of
approval, or at least no disdain, for the step she had just taken, from
which she knew there was no return.
When she saw that my previously well hidden smile was now beaming
broadly, her entire body relaxed and a smile as wide as Montana fully
exploded
across her own sweet face!
Then followed more hand holding, so blatant now, some silly giggling,
and even several kisses from "him", to the backs of her
hands. He
tried to apologize for dominating the conversation, and for not letting
her speak enough, but I merely waved him off of that, as if I could
shut off his now nonstop flow of verbiage anyway.
Newly at ease, and seemingly entranced, she just listened to these two
so important men in her life, nodding when she thought it appropriate,
but mainly just watching, and smiling at me, constantly, and sending me
a loving wink of thanks, whenever her emotions ran
over.
I hardly had to say it aloud, my body language being so well read by
both of them, but verdict was rendered, approval was given, and all
parties were satisfied and delighted.
No further discussion necessary. All would be right with
the world, now that I had imparted my anointment of this union.
"Boyfriend" soon had to go, so the two of them walked to the front
door, quite relieved I'm sure, and arm in arm, I might add.
In a few
moments, she returned, blushing more than a little. I turned
away,
giving her some relief, but it was not as if I didn't know what had
just taken place out of my view, nor that I hadn't been part and parcel
to dozens of those kinds of "goodbyes", so many times in my own
memorable past. We embraced, and she was simply spilling
over with
pure joy.
I announced that I had to run out as well, but before I left, I wanted
to make sure that she understood my full approval of her new
"relationship". I told her how nice I thought it was, that
he had
held her hand so sweetly and affectionately, and right in front of me,
without being disrespectful to either of us.
Her response surprised me, but there is no doubt that mine, back,
surprised her even more. She confessed, with more than a
little
discomfort, if not guilt, that she knew that "he wants to do more than
just hold my hand!"
To which I said: "If you're comfortable with that, then let
him."
She smiled, sheepishly at first, and then said: "Really?!!"
I just nodded, approving of more than she'd ever thought
possible.
Next, she mentioned, almost under her breath, knowing that she was
pushing ever harder on that envelope, that her new "friend", now
"boy-friend" would soon be
going to Florida, and would be staying there for over two months,
during the worst of the cold northern
winter.
Again I surprised her, and even shocked her slightly, with my thoughts
on that, and as well, with my advice. I told her that she
could be
sure of one thing, that once he got to the Sunshine State, and was all
comfortable, and lonely, that
he would be calling her, and asking her
to come down there, for a "visit".
And my advice was simple. I told her that if he did call,
and if he
did ask her to come to Florida to stay with him, don't even think about
it..........."Just GO" !!!
She absolutely could not believe my complete acceptance of this, and
that I was bestowing my full blessing on a trip to Florida, with a new
guy, for who knows how long, and under what circumstances!
(actually,
we do know under “what
circumstances”, now don't
we!?)
Have I lost my mind??, ….you might fairly question.
What am I doing??, ….you could rightfully, even indignantly,
ask.
Where is the family duty, and responsibility, to advise the moral and
proper behavior, and course of life, to my loved ones, so
close?
But I ask of you, ..........just what was I supposed to say, to my 86
year old Mother, about her 90 year old new
"boyfriend" !!??!!
And so it is that I have finally come to that greatly anticipated, but
hoped would never actually arrive, awkward time, when the full reality
of the "Circle of Life" is upon us. When we have reached that
treasured, but be careful what you wish for point, where within our
families, and among our carefully chosen loved ones, we find ourselves
into true and complete: "ROLE REVERSAL"
Joe Facinoli
Copyright 2013
(You can reach Joe at joefacinoli@gmail.com)
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