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Broke Wife, Big City
Five years
down, eternity to go
By Aprill Brandon
As I sit here typing this, it’s my five-year wedding anniversary. Added
bonus, this year also marks ten years since my husband and I first met.
I know, I know. So what am I doing writing and working on this
oh-so-special day? But as I said, it’s been ten years. Using your
anniversary to stare all googly-eyed at your significant other while
you drink champagne and eat strawberries in bed is for new couples who
haven’t yet had the experience of sharing a tiny bathroom while you
both have the flu.
But still, this day is a pretty big deal, despite the horrible things
that went down in that bathroom that we can never un-see. I mean, even
after all these years, my husband is still my best friend. And I’ve
only had two fantasies, three tops, of dropping a giant anvil on his
head, Wile E. Coyote-style.
In all honesty, though, I love that man with all my…ugh, hang on a
sec…what’s that, babe? … Babe? … RYAN! … What did you say? Are you
talking to me or the dog? … Oh my god, if you’re talking to me, I can’t
hear you. … Still can’t hear you. … Why the hell are you mumbling? … I
don’t know, look in the junk drawer. … THE JUNK DRAWER. … Did you find
it? … I said DID YOU FIND IT? … I can’t. … CAUSE I’M BUSY, DAMMIT. …
I’m writing about how much we love each other. … I SAID HOW MUCH WE
LOVE EACH OTHER, GRANDPA! Son of a …
Anyway, as I was saying, I still love that man as much, if not more,
than I did on our wedding day. Which, trust me, is a lot considering
the beer was flowing like wine at our reception and Momma was a VERY
happy girl that day.
And now that we have a baby, we’re closer than ever. A child truly is
the ultimate manifestation of love between two people and …ah, hang
on…Riker, honey, Mommy can’t play with you right now. She’s writing
about what an awesome wife and mother she is. Here, go play with
Daddy’s cell phone. Just don’t throw…and you threw it down the stairs.
Awesome.
Anyway, starting a family allowed us both to see each other in a new
light. And while that new light isn’t always flattering (I haven’t
plucked my eyebrows since November), there is this beautiful sense that
you have created something that is not only bigger than you, but bigger
than the both of you. And that bigger something is full of joy and love
and yes, a bit of chaos, but chaos isn’t always a bad thing. Because,
as the old saying goes…Oh, come on! What now? … Seriously, dude, you
need to speak up. … No, I have no idea where your cell phone is. Now,
can I finish this, please? For the love of …
ANYWAY, as I was saying, marriage is what happens when you’re busy
making other plans. Wait, is that the saying? Well, it doesn’t matter.
It still fits. I remember all the nights we sat around drinking wine,
making elaborate plans those first few years. The things we would do.
The places we would go. The shiny, shiny things we would buy because
hey, it’s not like we’ll be poor forever.
And even though hey, we are going to be poor forever because kids need
a lot of stupid, expensive crap, and even though I still haven’t been
tapped to replace Tina Fey on SNL and he hasn’t yet turned into Batman,
and even though our last vacation was to exotic Costco, what did happen
was a decade of a very happy life together (minus one flu-ridden
weekend that still gives us daymares).
You know, when it comes down to it, it really is the simple things in
life that make it …I swear to all that is holy, if you two keep bugging
me while I’m trying to write this, I will throw away both of y’alls
toys and comic books, got me? Do not test me. And stop all that
screaming. I’m almost done. Just give me a few more minutes.
Ugh.
Anyway…I don’t know. Marriage is great and junk. Blah, blah, blah. You
get the gist. Now, if you’ll excuse me, one and/or possibly both of my
beloveds is bleeding and it appears the dining room table is on fire.
P.S. While I’ve been busy making fun of my husband to collect some
cheap laughs, he cleaned the entire house, arranged for a babysitter so
we can go out tonight and took care of our fearless and highly mobile
son (all while actually leaving me alone so I could write this). I
know. I don’t think I deserve him either. Thanks for putting up with me
all these years, Ryan. I love you.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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