|
|
The views expressed on this page are soley
those of the author and do not
necessarily represent the views of County
News Online
|
 |
Answering Life’s Biggest Questions
Chores
By Abigail Fischer and Katie DeLand
Dear A+K:
I feel like a complete failure. I tried to implement new chores for my
kids this summer, but here we are in August, and they still struggle
with the most basic of tasks. When will this ever click?
Sincerely,
Chapped over Chores
Dear Chapped:
Those precious chore charts we made in June have long been
tossed. The apps we downloaded to track their domestic progress
after the paper version failed also found the virtual trash can.
So here we are in August, loaded with un-awarded stickers and an empty
dog dish.
We know you tried. We did, too. Mondays were bathrooms,
right? That is, until your son started using the toilet wand like
a sword, your other son flushed one of the plastic gloves down the
toilet and your daughter may or may not have gotten high from the
excessive Clorox she sprayed in the sink. What part of "Two
squirts- MAX" did she not understand?
Tuesday's dusting day will be better.
Except you forgot that dusting, once again, involves a trigger
mechanism. And this time, the Pledge button results in a
continuous spray. Game over. A two-inch high layer of foam
covers everything, and your end table is as slick as snot. And
apparently, you forgot to add a disclaimer that the wood floors are
exempt to the "wipe everything that is brown" rule. Looks like
Tuesday afternoon is going to involve skating all over the
kitchen.
Onto Wednesday. Laundry. Your kids are smarter than
gorillas- this will be easy.
Hahaahahaha. Much contemplation over what constitutes "a dark"
ensures. Somehow the magenta pajamas end up with the whites,
because the speckled flowers on the sleeves are white.
What?! Now your sons have slightly pink underwear....and team
jerseys. Lesson learned.
There are no words for Thursday's vacuuming. The cords caused
utter confusion, and you are fairly confident that your youngest came
perilously close to electrocution.
On Fridays, it's errands. This involves the kids gathering their
library books, grabbing the cloth grocery bags and locating their
shoes. C+, B- and F-. The librarian sternly reminds you
that "Earthworms: Earth's Greatest Recyclers" is still overdue from
three visits prior, you have exactly four bags to work with and one is
torn, and your middle child jumps out at the first stop one hundred
percent barefoot.
At this post, all you can do is apologize to your children's future
spouses. When your son "forgets" to pull up the blanket
underneath the comforter on his marital bed, you will know it is your
fault. When your grandchildren arrive at your doorstep
malnourished because their mother charred the casserole, that will be
on you, too.
We also suggest writing your local state lawmakers to urge, plead and
bribe them to re-instate home economics from preschool through twelfth
grade. Your husband can enroll, too.
Happy housekeeping!
A+K
|
|
|
|
