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Answering Life’s Biggest Questions
Sleeping with
Children Part II
By Abigail Fischer and Katie DeLand
Dear A+K,
How do my kids know when I'm completely fatigued? It's like they see
how tired I am and then hide in a tent planning the 3am sabotage. What
is going on here and how do I put on an energized face?
Sincerely,
Nocturnal Nemesis
Dear Nocturnal Nemesis,
Sleep after having children should be redefined. Maybe we shouldn't
even call it sleep. The quality, length, and purpose are all
compromised.
There is nothing sweeter than crawling into our beds after a long and
exhausting day. We've taken the kids to the pool, so we know with
complete certainty that the kids are going to sleep sooo well
tonight. Zonked out by 8. This is where we go wrong, time
and time again. The party is on, and apparently they are the
crazy frat guy swinging from the chandelier.
After the battle of the bedtime routine (see earlier article for
pointers), we fall into bed like ravaged warriors. We enter REM
and the dream stage- life is good. Tonight, we are snorkeling in
the Bahamas. And we are skinny and tan. From underwater, we
feel a creepy presence and startle. Cracking one eye, a
shadow looms. After a few deep breaths, you realize you
can't wish this midnight visitor away, and you throw back the
covers. Apparently, Precious Angel has had a bad dream, and the
left side of the under part of the pinky toe "kind of hurts." We escort
her back to bed and extinguish all concerns.
Ahhhh.... The covers are still warm and the dream resumes.
Soon, we are dancing to the steel drums on the beach with flowers in
our hair when there is a sudden outburst. We keep dancing because that
could NOT have been a cry for "Mommyyyyyy." It's just the
music...that gets louder and louder and sounds strangely like your
two-year old son. This time, he has apparently urinated out of
the diaper enough to wake himself. It's now a laundry situation at 3am
and the closest we are to flowers and the Caribbean is the smell of
Ocean Burst from the laundry detergent.
The length and amount of sleep disruption is proportionate to the
number of children you have, so procreate wisely.
Our children have a secret society and their own full moon.
Unless you can interrupt their next sleep sabotage strategy we
recommend elbowing your husband and getting him in on the fun too while
you drift back into your glorious dream of eating a purple ice cream
cone next to Jimmy Fallon.
Sweet dreams!
Sincerely,
A+K
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