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Answering Life’s Biggest Questions
It’s a
trainwreck but do it anyway… and have fun!
By Abigail Fischer and Katie DeLand
Dear A+K:
My daughter always wants to help out in the kitchen, but I find it so
exhausting. The mess just isn't worth it to me, which I know is
missing the point. Are there tips for a better cooking experience?
Thanks-
Burned Out in the Kitchen
Dear Burned Out:
"Cooking with Kids" should actually be the title for a therapy group in
community centers across the globe because these experiences are no
less than traumatizing. We typically leave our kitchens
twitching. After several years of donning the matching Mommy
& Me aprons, we have been through almost every cooking scenario.
Typically, the idea starts with great intentions-- "Let's bake some
cookies for our neighbor who fell and broke her hip!" The kids get
excited, and we feel great about our benevolent parenting moment.
The ingredients get pulled from their shelf, and the trainwreck that is
Peanut Blossoms begins. Kids start climbing on the counter, invading
some serious personal space, almost knocking the 6-gallon drum mixer to
the floor and elbowing siblings for the best seat in the house.
You try to stay calm, and you refrain from using the voice that is
shouting obscenities in your head. You start doling out the
measuring cups, so everyone has a turn dumping flour and sugar. Puffs
of white residue mist out of the bowl, but again, you remain
controlled. Next comes the vegetable oil, and your 8-year old
insists that he is old enough to pour it from the bottle. In an
effort to create an independent child that will be able to survive on
his own in 20 years, you agree and watch with a terrified
expression. Just as you feared, his hand slipped a little and you
have a puddle of slime that resists all clean-up efforts on your
counter. Awesome. Your "cool" is just about maxed out- just
in time for three large eggs.
Obviously, you haven't learned your lesson as you perilously hand them
over as your broken record of a voice repeats "Crack them
GENTLY." As egg white explodes into the air and the shell is
cracked into 53 tiny pieces, you realize that your kids need an obvious
refresher course on definitions like, "gentle." At this point,
you aren't even sure how much egg landed in the bowl-- do you add
another one? You opt for not to move things along, and cross your
fingers that the shell will taste like nuts.
You have made it to the end of your recipe, and start rolling your
dough into little balls. In two seconds flat, you see three sets
of hands grabbing at your bowl and peanut butter goop start collecting
on their fingers. No spheres are forming, and the whines
begin. Your kindergartener starts waving her palm in the air to
get the dough off, and boom, it flies into your face and hits the
window behind you. And this is where the magic ends.
Like a rabid animal, you snarl that everyone needs to get off the
counter, into the bathroom and out of your sight. You whisk the
bowl away and hoard it in the corner to yourself, where you finish
rolling in silence. Maybe...maybe....maybe you will let them back
in to place the Hershey kisses in the center, but we all know how that
ends up, too. Add in another maybe.
Our advice: partake in these adventures, because you will want
your kids to cook for you one day. However, find recipes that do
not include the following: melted chocolate, peanut butter, eggs,
confectioners sugar, carmel or syrup. Stick with basics- hot dogs
rolled up in biscuits, mini pizzas, oatmeal raisin. Rent tarps
for the floor and plastic throw away utensils. Wear goggles and
painter's overalls. Do not bake/cook when hungry, as this
escalates the meanness. Do not rely on the outcome of the
meal/baked items for anything important. Prepare to toss to the
dog, if he will take it.
Domesticate up and have fun!
Sincerely,
A+K
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