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The Food Police
Just Don’t Get It
By Susan Olling
We have two rules when it comes to food. First, everything in
moderation. Second, all numbers go out the window during the
period between Thanksgiving and Christmas (and vacations, too).
Mind you, we’ll still get on the exercise bike, and I’ll also take my
daily walk.
Unfortunately, this festive time of year brings out the food police
with their lists of holiday foods one shouldn’t eat. Not that we
pay attention to them anyway (see above). What follows are
some of the no-no’s.
Let’s start with eggnog. Mr. History really likes that sugar- and
dairy-filled eggy beverage. He saw some at the grocery a couple
of weeks ago. Since it wasn’t on the list, we didn’t get
any. I bought a couple quarts the next week, and he informed me
the nog was delicious. The article suggested spiced cider as a
substitute. Thanks to the local farms and orchards, we’ve been
enjoying that lovely beverage, spiced or not, for weeks now.
Gingerbread cake. I will continue to make a delicious recipe for
gingerbread from Mount Vernon. It has butter, brown sugar, and
eggs. But it also has lots of ginger (one tablespoon, ground),
orange juice, and orange zest. If it was good enough for the
Washington’s, it’s good enough for the Olling’s.
Sugar cookies. Yes, they’re full of sugar (inside and out),
butter, flour, and eggs. That’s the point. The suggested
ingredients for a healthier (what?) cookie were gag-inducing: egg
whites, less butter, and a bit of whole wheat flour. No, no, and
no. I use an old family recipe, one that’s a favorite in our house any
time of year. I make a batch and put them in the freezer.
It’s a well-known scientific fact that getting cookies out of the
freezer burns calories, from opening the freezer door to putting the
container back and closing the door. For more exercise, I put the
container in the basement freezer. Stair climbing is exercise,
isn’t it? If you think that’s a stretch, Mr. History can tell you
how a chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting is nutritious.
Mashed potatoes. Sorry, the whipped potatoes on our table require
butter and milk. I’ve used 2% milk, but whole milk makes the
texture and flavor better, in my humble opinion.
Gravy. What are mashed potatoes without gravy? Oh wait, you
could skip the gravy and put butter on them. Butter coming out of
the mashed potato volcano rather than gravy? Yahoo!
Candy canes. Hold the phone, Mabel. This is one of the
traditions of Christmas. The season isn’t about nutritional
value. Enough said.
Glazed ham. This is what’s in the middle of our table at
Christmas (and Thanksgiving, too).
Pecan pie. I don’t make this dessert. Come to think of it,
I haven’t baked a pie in an eternity. However, Mr. History likes
a slice of pecan pie when he can get it. Sometimes warm with a
scoop of vanilla ice cream.
Fruit cake. Never made this dessert and haven’t wanted
to. A similar cake was served at Mount Vernon.
Mrs. Washington’s recipe for Great Cake included the following
ingredients: wine, brandy, forty eggs (eggs were smaller then), four
pounds of butter, four pounds of sugar, and five pounds of fruit.
Baking time was five-and one-half hours. Great Cake was one of
the General’s favorite desserts. A recipe adapted for this
century lists Madeira, French brandy, butter, sugar, and lots of
fruits as ingredients. Not in the quantities of Mrs. Washington’s
recipe, but the food police would still be appalled. By the way,
the cake can become dry, so a sugar icing (yes, more sugar) keeps the
cake moist.
Cinnamon rolls. There’s a bakery in western Maryland that makes
the best cinnamon rolls. Since we don’t go out there very often,
not a problem.
Chocolate covered cherries. Better if they’re covered in dark
chocolate. The candy counter at the local Amish market includes
these tempting treats. It’s been a while since we’ve yielded to
these confections.
Plum pudding. We’ve never had this list-maker, a tradition of
British Christmases for a long time. Mr. Dickens included
plum pudding in the list of foods surrounding the Ghost of Christmas
Present. Some others that might give the food police pause were:
brawn (meat from a pig's or calf's head that’s cooked and pressed in a
pot with jelly), large joints of meat, sausages, mince pies, large
twelfth cakes (full of butter, sugar, and brandy), and bowls of
punch. In the case of the punch, not the innocuous ginger ale and
sherbet concoction. Nope. This punch is a fortified
beverage, usually rum-based with citrus fruits tossed in.
Hmmm, a mug of eggnog and some sort of sugary, buttery cookies sound
good about now.
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