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Start Talking!
Know! To Pause,
Breathe, Think, Act
7/26/2017
In a previous Know! tip, the Effect of Peer Presence, we discussed the
fact that the mere presence of peers can lead a young person to take
risks he or she wouldn’t normally take on their own, and that the main
culprit is the adolescent brain and its underdeveloped self-control
center. In addition to parental supervision and extra caution when
allowing your tween/teen to gather with friends, experts say we can
help our children curb those impulsive tendencies by encouraging
greater self-control.
How do we do that? One strategy is to teach our sons and daughters to
activate their internal pause button when a situation calls for it,
allowing for a more mindful response as opposed to an unthinking
reaction.
Here’s an example scenario to share with your child: You are at a teen
party (with my permission). The parents are home and there is no
alcohol or other substances allowed. Then a few older teens show up
with a secret stash of alcohol and offer it to you. These are peers you
look up to and really want to connect with, but you know the “right”
thing to do would be to turn down the offer. The parents monitoring the
party are unaware of the alcohol brought in and you know that if you so
choose, you can likely get away with having a drink. What do you do?
Step 1: Recognize the Signs – You may feel torn between knowing and
doing what’s “right” and wanting to impress your peers; your heart may
begin to race, you may feel a little knot in your stomach or you may
feel a sense of excitement at the thought of taking a risk.
Step 2: Press Pause – Hit that internal pause button and allow
everything to stop momentarily.
Step 3: Take a Deep Breath – A quick shot of oxygen to the brain will
allow you to become more aware of your present situation; the more
awareness you have in the present moment, the more likely you are to
make a better decision.
Step 4: Think – There is no need to react immediately, just think for a
moment and consider the potential outcomes.
Step 5: Act – Hit the “play” button; now you can respond or take action
more mindfully.
While this five-step process may seem like an eternity, it will play
out fairly quickly. Teaching your child to give themselves a few extra
seconds before reacting however, can make a huge difference.
Keep in mind that as your child grows and develops, his or her level of
self-control will also depend a great deal on you. Your temperament,
your parenting style, and your display (or lack) of self-control will
greatly influence your child. Though you cannot change your basic
temperament, you can change certain aspects of your personality – if
needed – to improve parenting. Structure promotes self-regulation in
children. Adopting more of an authoritative parenting style, meaning
high warmth toward your child, yet clear and consistent rules and
follow-through on consequences, will also help your child with
self-control.
This learning process will continue throughout adolescence, and will
naturally improve as children get older. However, you can help them
build this skill by providing them with safe opportunities to practice
self-control. As your child strengthens this ability, you, in response,
can gradually loosen the external controls.
Learn how to get the drug prevention conversation started at
StartTalking.Ohio.Gov.
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