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Christmas tears
and Christmas laughter
By Melissa Martin
Christmas is the best of times and the worst of times—when there’s an
empty seat at our dinner table. When a mother, a father, a daughter, a
son, a grandmother, a grandfather, a sibling, a relative, a best
friend, or a cherished neighbor has passed away. When soldiers rest in
coffins instead of beds. When angles, cherubs, and teddy bears decorate
graves instead of nurseries—the holidays can be bittersweet.
Bitter lives in the sorrow, the loneliness, the aching. Longing for
just one more holiday with our loved one. Grief falls like snowflakes;
hangs like icicles; blows like blustery winds.
Sweet lives in the stories, the memories, the photographs. Joy visits
in the moments when the fog lifts enough for us to know our loved one
resides in God’s heavenly home.
“But for those who’ve recently lost someone they love, the holidays can
seem more like something to survive than to enjoy. The traditions and
events that can add so much joy and meaning to the season are
punctuated with painful reminders of the person we love who is not here
to share in it. Many have wished they could find a quiet place to hide
until January 2…Tears do not reflect a lack of faith. Tears are a gift
from God that helps to wash away the deep pain of loss,” writes Nancy
Guthrie. She and her husband host retreats for couples who have faced
the death of a child. www.nancyguthrie.com/.
Sometimes I think about Mary and how she must have felt when her son
died. Was her heart ripped from under her ribcage and thrown into the
universe of confusion, agony, and suffering? How did she bear the
unbearable? Tolerate the intolerable? Accept the unacceptable?
The deep, damp, dark night of longing must have crushed her spirit;
shaken her faith; shattered life’s meaning. Her son was dead. Did
memories of a young pregnant girl riding on a donkey flood her mind?
Thoughts about her husband, Joseph? Recollections of an infant in a
manger?
“Mary did you know that your baby boy will some day walk on water? Mary
did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters? Did
you know that your baby boy has come to make you new? This child that
you've delivered, will soon deliver you,” song lyrics to a modern
Christmas classic by Mark Lowry and Buddy Greene.
But, morning came. And Mary saw her son one more time. How she must
have cried and laughed! The bitter and the sweet mixed together—along
with tragedy and triumph, pain and pleasure, unbelief and belief.
Sorrow and joy danced together.
“But suddenly the air was filled with a strange and sweet perfume.
Light that came from everywhere drove shadows from the room. And Jesus
stood before me with his arms held open wide. I fell down on my knees
and just clung to him and cried,” song lyrics to He’s Alive by Don
Francisco.
If you are mourning the loss of a loved one this year, you’re not
alone. I’m mourning, too. You may feel composed one moment and
gut-wrenchingly dismal the next. It’s called grief. Engage in self-care
over the holidays. Reach out to family and friends when needed.
Resource in Ohio
Cornerstone of Hope in Ohio is dedicated to providing support,
education, and hope for the grieving, both children and adults. In May
of 2000, Mark and Christi Tripodi’s three-year-old son, Bobby died. In
2003, they founded Cornerstone of Hope, to not only help people
understand and accept their grief, but to help them move forward and
embrace a life full of hope. www.cornerstoneofhope.org.
“Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew
5:4)
Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is an author, columnist, and educator. She lives
in
Southern Ohio. www.melissamartinchildrensauthor.com.
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