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Broke Wife, Big City
Disappointing
your dentist & other fun adult stuff
By Aprill Brandon
If you were to grade me on my adulting capabilities, I’m fairly
confident I’d receive a solid C average. For instance, I always pay my
bills on time. But I’ve also been ignoring my leaking dishwasher for
three weeks and can never seem to eat the avocados in my kitchen before
they go bad. Mostly because they’re avocados and, as such, taste like
avocados. I pretty much just buy them so when other adults come over to
my house, they look at the avocados and think “wow, she has avocados,
she must really have her life together.”
And then there’s the whole dentist thing. Rumor has it that as an adult
you’re supposed to go to the dentist on a fairly regular basis. Fairly
regular basis, of course, meaning “at some point.” Oh, so when’s the
last time I went to the dentist, you ask? Well, that depends. Do you
want the answer I tell the dentist, the one I tell my mom, or the
truth? Either way, the answer is always wrong.
I know this. I am an adult, afterall. I have the I.D. to prove it and
everything. That’s another aspect of adulting I’ve mastered. I always
renew my driver’s license on time. On time, of course, meaning only six
months after it expires.
So, I’d been meaning to make a dentist appointment. It’s just life got
in the way, as it so often does. There was work and then I had kids and
then there was all the time and energy I had to spend on ignoring my
dishwasher.
Also I was scared. Super scared. Just a Scaredy McScarepants.
Not for any good reason, mind you. Dentists don’t deserve their
reputation. They are kind and hardworking people. Not to mention, they
provide an invaluable service to society. Think about the last time you
had a toothache. How awful it was. Most of us would run over our own
mothers just to get to a dentist to make that pain stop.
And there are plenty of people who have far more evil occupations.
Serial killers, for one. Investment bankers. Those people who keep
calling me from my alma mater asking me for money.
Why do we hate going to the dentist so much? Well, for one, you never
leave there with good news. And if you have ever left the dentist with
good news, if your dentist has ever told “wow, great job, your mouth is
perfect,” then what are you doing even reading this? You clearly are a
responsible, respectable member of society and are not my target
audience. How about you go floss some more, nerd.
As for the rest of us, there’s a cavity or a root canal or partial jaw
removal in our immediate future. Besides, I’m one of those people who
just assumed that if I brushed twice a day, used mouth wash, and
randomly remembered to floss every few weeks, everything would be fine.
Teeth are one of those things, like cars and dishwashers and trendy
vegetables, that I expect to last forever and ever until the end of
time without any interference from me.
But you know what’s coming next, don’t you? Of course you do. Because
no one just wakes up one day magically wiser and goes “ok, I’ll finally
do that thing I’ve been putting off for far too long.” Oh no. No,
something FORCES you to do that.
In my case, I woke up with mysteriously painful and swollen gums. So,
like the C average adult that I am, I walked around and complained
about the pain for a week. And then I screwed up my courage and finally
made a dentist appointment.
More importantly, I actually showed up to the appointment. Where I was
politely shamed about my dental lapses. That’s the other reason why we
hate going to the dentist. They’re always disappointed in us. Don’t get
me wrong. He was very pleasant and kind about it. But I knew I let him
down.
Imagine how upset he’d be if I actually told the truth about the date
of my last dental appointment.
But the bigger lesson here is that whatever it is you’ve been putting
off, whatever it is that’s been on your undone to-to list for months or
years, it’s never as bad as you imagine.
I’m kidding. It was exactly as bad as I imagined. Possibly worse.
But I survived.
And you’ll survive whatever your metaphorical dentist is too. Even if
it is the actual dentist.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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