|
|
|
The views expressed on this page are soley
those of the author and do not
necessarily represent the views of County
News Online
|
 |
Start Talking!
Know!
The Three Steps to a Happy New You!
1/15/2019
It’s a new year. Have you given thought to what you’d like to take on
or improve over the next 12 months? How about a happier, more positive
life for you and/or your children?
When you consider the previous year, did you experience more negative
thoughts than positive? If so, there may be a technique to see things
in a more positive, realistic light. Who couldn’t use a little more
light in their life?
The technique is called “Cognitive Therapy,” from the book Feeling
Good: The New Mood Therapy by Dr. David Burns. Dr. Burns says that
cognitive therapy is really “thought” therapy, and that our thoughts,
for better or worse, create our emotions and moods. He says our
thoughts and perceptions create our reality, even when they are
distorted and unrealistic. If we can change our thoughts, we can change
how we feel. In other words, we can develop a more positive attitude
and outlook on life.
According to Dr. Burns it goes like this:GettyImages-499114165-1.jpg
FIRST: An outside event occurs
SECOND: Our internal dialogue begins
FINALLY: Our emotions/feelings develop based on our thoughts
Here is an example of how it might play out in the life of a teen:
An outside event occurs.
A shy teen meets a friendly, new girl at school today. After sitting
together at lunch, the shy teen invites the new girl to hang out
together on Saturday. The girl says she’d love to hang out sometime,
but she can’t Saturday because it’s her sister’s birthday and they are
having a family party that day.
An internal dialogue begins. These are a series of the person’s
THOUGHTS, the interpretation of what just happened.
The shy teen thinks to herself, “She’s making it up. It’s not really
her sister’s birthday. She just doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to
hang out with me.”
Emotions and feelings develop. A person’s feelings are created by their
THINKING, and not by the actual EVENT itself.
“I feel hurt that she said no, and embarrassed that I even asked her. I
have no friends. No one ever wants to hang out with me. And now
everyone is going to find out I was rejected by the new kid at school
and they will all laugh at me behind my back.”
This theory from Dr. Burns lets us use our thoughts to change our
feelings. Using the shy teen as an example, here are the three most
common road blocks to positive thoughts:
All or Nothing Thinking: I have no friends, and no one likes me or
wants to hang out with me.
Mental Filtering (dwelling only on the negative): Instead of thinking
about the fact that she met a friendly new girl, and that they sat
together at lunch, her thoughts were focused only on the fact that the
girl said no to hanging out on Saturday.
Jumping to Conclusions: The shy teen may assume that everyone will find
out she was rejected and laugh at her behind her back. Jumping to
conclusions often assumes the worst. Instead, the teen can remind
herself that good outcomes are also possible - that she and the new
girl can hang out another weekend.
In addition to avoiding the roadblocks to positive thinking, Dr. Burns
suggests this three-step strategy in dealing with cognitive (thought)
distortions:
Step 1: Become mindful to catch those involuntary, negative thoughts
when they first occur. Write them down. Do not allow them to float
around in your head.
Step 2: Think about how you may negatively twist or spin things in your
mind and distort the truth.
Step 3: Change or fix those negative thoughts by exchanging them with
logical, more positive, counter thoughts.
Back to the shy girl, she could change the way she thinks about this
encounter to focus more on the positives:
“I had fun sitting and talking to the new girl at lunch. I believe that
she would like to hang out sometime, but it’s her sister’s birthday, so
she can’t this weekend. We’ll find another day that works. I also know
that it is not true that no one likes me. I have other friends and we
get together often.”
By changing her thinking, she has changed her feelings and improved her
mood. Sometimes, negative things will occur. When they do, it’s okay to
interpret them in that way and be realistic, but the key is to remember
that it’s our thoughts, not the event, that upsets us.
By changing the way we think to being more logical and positive, we can
rewire our brain for the better. This technique can work for people
young and old. Dr. Burns encourages people who suffer from depression
to use this strategy – though it may be beneficial to anyone who
experiences negative thoughts. As we begin 2019, filled with promise
and adventure, why not focus on a happier, mentally healthier new YOU!
Learn how to get your drug abuse prevention conversation started at
StartTalking.Ohio.Gov.
|
|
|
|
