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When adults bully adults, kids suffer
By Melissa Martin, Ph.D.
October is National Bullying Prevention Month. “Every day thousands of
young people experience bullying from their peers while at school,
after school in their neighborhoods, and even when they are at home,
through social media and texts,” PACER points out. Founded in 2006,
PACER is a National Bullying Prevention Center. wwwpacer.org.
But, here’s my question. How do we as adults hope to prevent bullying
among our youth when adults can be some of the vilest verbal
word-villains?
A 2019 article in The Chicago Tribune tells the snarly story. An
Illinois freelance writer Melissa Blake wrote a recent anti-Trump op-ed
piece for CNN. A mob of mean mug-thugs hurled hurtful names: fat,
potato, blobfish.
Blake tweeted back with such dignity and grace—she’s my new heroine.
She showed 3 happy selfie pics and educated the mug-thugs about
Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome, a genetic bone and muscular disorder. She’s
experienced 26 surgeries. Say howdy to her at melissablakeblog.com.
I’ll admit that I wanted to smear Gorilla Glue Epoxy on the
cyber-bully’s malicious lips. And dip their foul fingertips in battery
acid.
“Most of us encounter adult bullies at certain points in our lives. An
adult bully can be an intimidating boss or colleague, a controlling
romantic partner, an unruly neighbor, a high-pressure sales/business
representative, a condescending family member, a shaming social
acquaintance, or other types of abusive relationships,” surmised a 2016
online article at Psychology Today.
An adult bully can also be a president, a politician, a professor, a
physician, a police officer, a TV producer, preacher, a parent, a
partner, or a peer. A bully likes power and control. “It’s my way or
the highway.” Bullies can often be found in positions of power.
Being bullied goes right to our core and we feel disrespected and
treated unfairly. We expect adults to act and react with maturity not
with a total toxic tongue. Bullying behavior is a consistent and
intentional pattern of intimidation, harassment, or aggression.
In a 2018 article on the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center
website, Ken Yeager, Ph.D., reported, “Adults are being bullied at
levels similar to adolescents, according to a 2017 survey conducted on
behalf of the American Osteopathic Association. The online survey of
more than 2,000 U.S. adults found that 31 percent of Americans have
been bullied as an adult. The survey defined bullying as being
subjected to repeated, negative behavior intended to harm or
intimidate.”
Again, I ask the same question. How do we as adults hope to prevent
bullying among our youth when adults can be belligerent bullies?
And reality TV shows are ripe with bullying behaviors. It appears that
competition can bring out the snarky, nasty, and ghastly: threats,
personal attacks, manipulation. Pathetic producers pander the
performance drama for ratings. Folks, just change the channel.
Bill O'Reilly, former Fox News Host, was finally fired—he reigns as the
classic bully of the on-air culture of a host bullying guests.
“Simple peck-order bullying is only the beginning of the kind of
hierarchical behavior that can lead to racism, sexism, ethnocentrism,
classism, and all the other 'isms' that cause so much suffering in the
world,” surmised Octavia Butler.
As adults we must continue to role model and teach the Golden Rule to
our children. I ask another question. Can we create a world without
bullying?
Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist. She lives in Southern Ohio.
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