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Broke Wife, Big City
A Nightmare in Elm Trees
By Aprill Brandon
It was a cloudless blue day in late summer. The kind of blue that made
the heart ache with possibility. The kind of day made for adventures.
And it was in that spirit of happy potentiality that the little family
began packing up their car for a weekend away in the woods. Backpacks
full of toys, a small suitcase filled with hoodies and bug spray, a
cooler loaded with beer and marshmallows. The father grunting as he
loaded the trunk, the children squealing and chasing each other, the
mother desperately trying to remember what she forgot because it was
definitely something.
How could they possibly know under that perfect sky that they were
walking into a horror story? (Other than the fact it’s the premise for
an entire genre of horror stories?).
The drive passed quickly and uneventfully. The cabin was small and
cozy. They only had one neighbor in this isolated part of the New
Hampshire woods. A lone man wearing flannel staying at the other cabin
across a copse of trees. The mother joked that he looked like Ted
Bundy. The father laughed. Because it’s all fun and games until someone
gets murdered.
For now, it was peaceful. Quiet. Which is probably why the mother was
able to hear it. Barely perceptible, but definitely there. She had just
sat down and opened her book when a low moan rose up out of the woods.
She looked around but when she didn’t see anything, she decided to
ignore it, managing to read three whole sentences before hearing it
again. Only it was a little louder this time.
“...oooooooommmmmm....”
“Hello?” she practically whispered. “Is... is someone there?”
The woods answered back with the light rustling of leaves in the wind.
After a few more moments, she turned her attention back to her book.
Finding time to read was a luxury and she refused to waste it. But just
when she had finally relaxed, releasing the tension in her shoulders
that had been there since the birth of her oldest, there was that sound
again. Again, louder this time. Much louder. An unearthly wail.
“MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!”
No. No, it can’t be, she thought. But it was. Suddenly, like a pop-up
book from hell, her two children appeared on either side of her, loudly
complaining that they were already bored.
They had only arrived 20 minutes ago.
The mother screamed.
Meanwhile, the father was in the cabin unpacking. Although beautiful
late afternoon sunlight filtered in through the windows, the man
couldn’t shake the black, foreboding feeling that something wasn’t
right. He checked and double-checked all the bags. Everything seemed in
order. When suddenly...
“Honey!” he screamed in terror. “We forgot the graham crackers!”
There are some who say the inhuman wails of the children upon learning this news could be heard as far away as Vermont.
After that, it was as though the children were possessed. “S’MORES!”
they screeched while clawing, grabbing, tearing at their parents with
small but freakishly strong hands. “S’MORES!”
Somehow the father managed to escape, fleeing in dread to the car.
Twenty minutes later, he was running blindly through the streets of the
only nearby town.
“Help! Someone help! I need graham crackers!” His words echoed off the
empty buildings. “PLEASE! I left my wife alone with the kids! I don’t
know how long she can hold out!”
By the time he returned, a box of horrifyingly overpriced crackers in
hand, he found the children dancing around the fire, having gone
completely feral in his absence, dirt smudged on their faces like so
much war paint. The mother lay in the fetal position to one side,
quietly whispering over and over again “he’ll be back soon, he’ll be
back soon, he’ll be back soon…”
Quickly, the father got to work, roasting marshmallows but trying in
his panic not to burn them. May the good Lord have mercy on his soul if
he burned them. With shaking hands, he assembled the dark snacks that
had turned his children into unrecognizable fiends. And then, like a
pack of wolves, the children tore into them, quickly disemboweling the
father’s careful work, discarding the crackers and marshmallows over
their shoulders and only eating the chocolate.
“MORE.” they bellowed.
The parents quietly wept.
A few hours later, determined to salvage this family trip, the parents
announced to the children in perky but trembling voices, “let’s go for
a walk in the woods!” And for a few glorious minutes, it appeared all
might be ok. The children happily scampered ahead, collecting acorns
and pine cones. They even laughed in delight.
But then the parents made the fatal mistake of enjoying themselves,
triggering in the offspring all their most evil and depraved impulses.
Because while the children typically loved nature, could spend hours
staring at a dead leaf while in the city, they could not stand that
very same nature when their parents paid $100 for a cabin completely
surrounded by it.
“This is dumb. Can we go home?”
“My feet hurt. Will you carry me?”
“I SAW A BUG!”
“Can we get an Uber?”
“I hate trees.”
“Did you bring any s’mores? I WANT A S’MORE!”
The parents didn’t die that day. But there are some who say they can
see the ghosts of their expectations haunting the woods to this very
day.
On the plus side, the family never did get murdered by their neighbor
Ted Bundy. Likely because the children scared him away. Even serial
killers have their limits.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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