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Prevention Action Alliance
Know! To Defend Against Mean Girls
If your child’s safety is at-risk at any point, her property gets
damaged or stolen, or the situation simply becomes too much for her to
handle directly, you (parents) will need to step in and contact the
school, law enforcement, or other appropriate party, depending on the
circumstances.
Your daughter comes home from school in tears for yet another day
because a girl in her class embarrassed and humiliated her in front of
everyone - again. The mama or papa bear in you is growling and ready to
attack. But experts say, keep the bear at bay and help your daughter
help herself.
It is an unfortunate reality, but at some point in our daughters’
youth, she will likely have to deal with a “mean girl,” which means we
have to deal with her too. We can best serve our daughter by giving her
the tools she needs to recognize toxic people in her life and know how
to handle them.
What exactly is a “mean girl?” She may be in your daughter’s current or
past circle of “friends,” or she may be someone your daughter doesn’t
know well or at all. Mean girl behavior is universally manipulative
however, and typically involves one or more of the following (from
EmpoweringParents.com):
Excluding
Forming cliques
Gossiping
Spreading rumors
Making nasty comments
Cyberbullying
Outcasting
Sharing secrets
Backstabbing
A mean girl also tends to recruit others to join in her hateful
tactics, and though they know it goes against their better judgment,
others may comply to remain in “good graces” with the bully, or
maintain their social status.
This is devastating for the victim, to the point where she may beg to
stay home from school, may not want to participate in her
extracurriculars, and withdrawals from the social activities she
usually looks forward to and enjoys.
While this type of manipulative and mean behavior is not exclusive to
girls, Nancy Rue, a teacher-turned-author of the Mean Girl Makeover
trilogy, says that, “Teenage boys and girls handle friendships
differently. While boys value their friendships, they’re not the
potentially devastating things they can be for girls, who tend to
over-analyze and emotionally invest more than boys. This means they
[girls] suffer more when those friendships go wrong.”
In fact, the long-term consequences of mean-girl-type bullying include
eating disorders, body image issues, substance abuse, PTSD,
self-harming behaviors, depression and even thoughts of suicide.
The whole experience can be excruciatingly painful for her, and for us,
as her parents who love her and want only the best for her.
The best defense in protecting our daughters against mean girls is open
and positive communication, so that she knows she can turn to us (her
parents) for understanding and sensible advice.
In the tip to follow, we will share tips on talking to our daughters about mean girls, and how best to handle them and move on.
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