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SENIOR
SCRIBES...
Senior
Humor 101
From Karen Brooks
Author Unknown
October
13, 2011
I
very quietly confided to my best
friend that I was having an affair.
She
turned to me and asked, ‘Are you
having it catered’?
And
that, my friend, is the definition
of ‘OLD’!
Just
before the funeral services, the
undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
‘How
old was your husband?’
‘98,’
she replied: ‘Two years older
than me’
‘So
you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
She
responded, ‘Hardly worth going
home, is it?’
Reporters
interviewing a 104-year-old
woman:
‘And
what do you think is the best
thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked.
She
simply replied, ‘No peer
pressure.’
I’ve
sure gotten old!
I’ve
had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I’m
half blind, can’t hear anything
quieter than a jet engine,
take
40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have
bouts with dementia.
Have
poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore.
Can’t
remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have
lost all my friends. But, thank
God,
I
still have my driver’s license.
I
feel like my body has gotten totally
out of shape,
so
I got my doctor’s permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I
decided to take an aerobics class
for seniors.
I
bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by
the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
An
elderly woman decided to prepare
her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First,
she wanted to be cremated, and
second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
‘Wal-Mart?’
the preacher exclaimed.
‘Why
Wal-Mart?’
‘Then
I’ll be sure my daughters visit
me twice a week’
My
memory’s not as sharp as it used to
be.
Also,
my memory’s not as sharp as it
used to be.
Know
how to prevent sagging?
Just
eat till the wrinkles fill
out.
It’s
scary when you start making the
same noises as your coffee maker.
These
days about half the stuff in my
shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’
THE
SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant
me the senility to forget the
people
I
never liked anyway,
the
good fortune to run into the ones
I do, and
the
eyesight to tell the difference.
Now,
I think you’re supposed to share
this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your
friends
if you can remember who they are!
Always
REMEMBER this:
You
don’t stop laughing because you
grow old,
You
grow old because you stop laughing...
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