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Darke County Senior Scribes
Getting older can be fun… sometimes
CNO Submissions
Ten years ago the Internet buzzed with “blonde jokes,” “dumb people
jokes,” “off color jokes that couldn’t be published” and more. Today,
CNO still gets a few of the “off color” variety – still can’t publish
them – but the “blonde jokes” and “dumb people jokes” have been
replaced… by “old people” jokes.
Good thing us seniors have a sense of humor… enjoy.
Forgot my glasses
Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with
my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her
favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me" and
suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a
lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a
parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 72 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week." I told her.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
Mama's Bible
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful
doctors, and lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner
together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give
their elderly mother who moved to Florida
The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama." The second
said, "And I had a large theater built in the house." The third said,
"And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you
know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this
preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible.
It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to
contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was
worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot
will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out
her "Thank You" notes. She wrote: Milton , the house you built is so
huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries
delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can
hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing,
and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just
the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a
little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious Thank you so
much."
Love, Mama
You know you're getting old when....
Everything hurts; and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
Your children begin to look middle aged.
You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 years ago today."
You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.
Your back goes out more than you do.
A fortune teller offers to read your face.
Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.
The little old gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.
Best Senior Citizen Joke Ever
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come
over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns
to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going
to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh…
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
GOD HELP US ALL!!!
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