How Hurt Is Mad?
By Mona Lease

Hi, all!!! I've been sitting on this one for awhile, now. I've spoken with a few people and they agree with me - so, if I am wrong - I am not alone.

I've watched a "family" for the last 10 or 11 years. The Grandmother is about 50, I'd say. She has custody of her two grandkiddies - her daughter has no real responsibility on a daily basis...and is now pregnant with the third kiddie and living with another man. The Grandmother is not married to the daughter's Daddy, ...the daughter is not married to the first two kiddies' Daddy - see the chain?

Last Sunday I happened on them all in the yard - Grandmother and two grandkiddies. Grandma charged the oldest grandkiddie with her fist raised and the grandkiddie returned the charge with his fist raised. He looks to be 11. I watched this woman have an affair with a married man and it ended. The married man was in their lives on a regular basis Now, there are no more "visits" from the married man...he returned to his wife.

Since I do not know the "order" of importance for the following - I'm just gonna talk. Most probably, if the Grandmother had made her daughter be responsible for the kiddies - they would have some respect. I watched a neighbor woman get involved and start talking to the oldest kiddie about his actions. What I wanted to do was stop and ask the kiddie - "Do you act like this because you have no real "home" - always shuffled here and there? Do you act like this because you watched your Grandmother be with a married man and he went back to his wife? (See, in this situation, you can not threaten with "Wait until I tell your Dad - that will be in two weeks. He just pays the child support. Kind of a "Weekend Daddy") Do you act like this because you are starting to know the difference between right and wrong - and this all looks wrong to you? Do you act like this because your Mother started another "family" without you? Do you act like this because your thoughts of your Mother are now asking why she does not really want you?"

The thing here is - respect and love are not the same thing. I've heard people say they respect Mr. Woo - because of his moral code - they still did not like or love him...he grated on their nerves - but, he had a set of morals..for all.

Respect has to be earned - even from the kiddies! They can't be expected to just give the respect because you are an elder or family member - social graces, yes. As age increases - the hormonal signals start - physical changes as well as mental, emotional, etc. As the kiddie grows, he realizes - in the above case - that his Mother was rarely there for or with him. Then the point arrives - "No amount of gifts - CD's, video games, cash, etc. - will fix the feeling of not being wanted - not being good enough to even try for you. We adults can play "sour grapes" and say we don't care when the hurt comes - but, we do care. As a kiddie - this is the first real hurt - and taints you for life.They're mad now - the question is - Are they gonna be mad the rest of their lives? They're our future!!

Remember the kiddies and our service people. Take good care of the furry and feathered ones out there. Be safe and healthy. See ya next time. Ever Toodles!! MONA