Senior Scribe
"Fixin' It"
By Mona Lease

Hi, all! This column is geared to you guys - sorry - maybe. Don't feel too badly - my son heard all this in his childhood up to 17. Since I've been listening to a few women talk daily - I figured now might be the perfect time.

If you come home from a hard day at work; all you want to do is bathe, eat, & vegetate in front of the TV, computer, etc. and your wife (girlfriend, etc.) is upset with that - it is probably not your fault. This doesn't mean you're "off the hook" - as it were - but don't reach for your wallet just yet.

See - we get the hormones - sorry, I did not order us made that way. But - they are always doing something - menopause or not. If she is upset, it is most probably because she spent the day thinking of you - how much she loves you - how you make her feel - how she wants to surprise you - maybe a "special evening." And you are too tired to enjoy it. Now - deep down - she knows about tired...the women I listen to know and admit that. But; this gooey,giggly, bubble of love, surprise, etc. is broken. And the following is what I told my son -

When you see the tears or anger - the worst thing you can do is run - to the door, to the TV - to anywhere. If you truly want to help this pass quickly - turn off the TV, computer, etc. - sit down somewhere and give her your full attention - no tapping your foot, looking at the clock or, your watch. Put your arm around her and listen. If she shrugs off your arm, don't leave - just sit. You can tell her you know she is upset and that it's not really at you. You can even tell her you think she has a surprise for you - but, now is not a good time.

I know it all sounds "mushy-gushy" - or maybe a lot of effort at the end of the hard day. But at the bottom of all of this is two different sets of hormones and two different styles of thinking. You men tend to be more "hands on" - or "fixers" - if you will. And - in a woman's world - not everything needs "fixed." Many times it's just "bruised." And, as with a real "blood bruise" - a little ice at the beginning heads off a lot of the "ugly color" - real bruise or emotional. This can be a chaste kiss to the top of the head or forehead - or holding a hand.

I promise you this "mush" is true. ..and it works. A while back - I received a letter from my son's girlfriend. Imagine my surprise when she told me what a wonderful man he is - how attentive - how thoughtful - etc. See - I never - I repeat - never..saw any of that. I saw dirty laundry, - dirty dishes - toads in an aquarium on my dining room table, etc. One of her favorites is the way he brings her wild flowers from a side ditch or along the edge of a wooded area. Here's a tip - money is rarely the answer - yeah, we'll take it. But the answer is - something you've done - pick the flowers - run a tub of water - and the highest on the list is - GASP - sacrificing a little of your time. You know - not watching a Red's game - or maybe the news...which is usually more bad, depressing stories complete with "live footage." That adds fuel to the fire. I encourage you to honestly try this. See if, after a while of you listening to her - and only her - doesn't get you the ball game after only missing the first quarter (inning, etc.). Maybe she'll bring you a few beers (or whatever you drink), too!

I'm not saying this works 100 percent of the time - nothing does. But - if you do this, you've established a line - you know - it's been proven capable of being done by you and working for the two of you. Money has proven that it is not the answer. Every Valentine's Day we spend collective trillions with nothing being much better over the long haul. And - she'll remember that you tried - in her world - to let the bruise be a bruise - not needing to be fixed - just kissed.

Remember the kiddies and our service people. Take good care of the furry and feathered ones out there. Be safe and healthy. See ya next time. Ever Toodles!! MONA