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Hello and
Goodbye
By Mona Lease
Hi, all!! Memorial Day weekend was great. My son drove up from Florida.
As a family - we camped out and through a joint effort - we made Dad's
famous "Bluegrass Stew" - cooked over an open fire. In the vein of
laughter and good times - I submit the following to you.
Memorial Day weekend has long been the "unofficial start of the boating
season." So for all of you boaters, skiers, etc. - wear your life
jackets, keep your boat well maintained and no drinking and water
sporting! Distance is deceptive on the water - it might look like you
could "just swim over there" - until you try it.
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are Compulsive-Obsessive: Press #1 repeatedly.
If you are Co-Dependent: Have someone press #2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities: Press #3,4,5,&6.
If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional: Press #7 and the call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are Schizophrenic: Listen carefully and the small voice will
tell you what number to push.
If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter what number you push -
no one will answer the phone.
If you are dyslexic: Press 6969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder: Fidget with the hash key until a
representative answers the phone.
If you have amnesia: Please state your name, address, phone number,
birth date, social security number, and your maiden name.
If you have short term memory loss: Please press #9.
If you have short term memory loss: Please press #9.
If you have short term memory loss: Please press #9.
If you have short term memory loss: Please press #9.
If you have low self-esteem: Please hang up the phone. All of our
operators are too busy to talk to you.
10 Large Breed Dogs That Are Really Gentle
Great Dane 30-37"
high Burnese
Mountain Dog 23-28" high
Saint Bernard 25-28"
high Bull
Mastiff 25-27" high
Newfoundland 25-29"
high
Leonberger 25-32" high
Irish Wolfhound 32-34"
high Old English
Sheepdog 20-24" high
Great Pyrenees 25-32"
high Great Swiss
Mnt Dog 23-29" high
I added the dog breeds to show that you can not judge by appearances -
they are deceiving.
Lastly - RIP to B.B. KIng. His career spanned well over 50 years. He
was regarded as one of the most influential blues guitarists of all
time. He and his guitar, Lucille, introduced a sophisticated soloing
technique based on fluid string bending and a shimmering vibrato that
influenced most electric blues guitarists that followed.
Also - RIP to Anne Meara. She started with her husband - Jerry Stiller.
Anne had a 60 year career with roles on Rhoda, All in the Family,
Archie Bunker's Place, Sex and the City, King of Queens, and Law &
Order - to name a few.
Say good-bye readers to a couple of artists who gave us their best for
as long as they could - no boring sex or dirty jokes (that I know).
Maybe that's the lesson here: "Funny" is always in style. Sex and dirty
jokes are not.
Remember the kiddies and our service people. Take good care of the
furry and feathered ones out there. Be safe and healthy. See ya next
time. Ever Toodles!! MONA
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