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Mind Matters
By Mona Lease
Hi, all!! In my past I "babysat" for an elderly lady with Alzheimer's.
I lived in a mobile home. She came to me one day saying she had to go
to the bathroom and a frantic look in her eyes. I told her she knew
where the bathroom was and to go. She did. I meandered my way back to
the bathroom a while after that...no fuss - no muss. I heard the toilet
flush.
My uncle started his Alzheimer's Journey long ago now and one day he
all but drug me into his home after I had knocked. He took a quick look
around and shut the door. He asked me if I had been followed. I said
no, I had been careful. We had a mostly normal conversation before I
left.
Last week I had dinner with an elderly lady I know who has started
her "journey." The bar/restaurant we were at was crowded and
there was a "buzz" of conversation surrounding us. We ate and "randomly
conversed" - no particular agenda in mind - no time limit. She ordered
a 7-Up. When it arrived she said she did not order it. I said to just
drink it anyway...it was there. And, that she did. She said she liked
everything calm. Later she said she wanted to go home. I said I did,
too. At the end of the evening she gave me a hug, said good-bye and
left.
I started to see a few similarities in the above instances. And I
thought surely it could not just be me. See, in all of the above...I
had passed no judgement regarding their behavior. In the case of the
woman needing the bathroom...I used "positive reinforcement"...or
that's what a registered nurse said I did.
In the case of my Uncle - as he was widely read...he would be looking
for anyone who might have followed me to be driving some vehicle having
to do with espionage...many a shiny black Lincoln or something like
that. There was none in sight. As I had made regular visits to his
house throughout my life - I was not known to be a problem or a threat.
As for the lady this last week and wanting to "go home"...I think she
meant her childhood home. You know - where it's safe and Mom will kiss
your boo-boos, give you a popsicle and tell you it will all be ok. And
for you guys it would probably translate into something like you and
your Dad whittling on a stick and talking of fears "amongst yourselves"
since society says a man should always be strong and have no fear. And
don't we all (those of us who are "normal") have days when we would
like to go home again...maybe to back up and regroup or just to have
Mom tell us we did our best and it's all ok...or to "whittle a spell"
with Dad and hear it's ok to be afraid??
We are all the product of our lives - our hurts, fears, desires,
dreams, etc. We are all as varied as the snowflakes with no two being
alike. Our brain - our mind - our subconscious... is probably most
accurate here...houses experiences, thoughts, fears, etc that we might
never realize are there. This principle has the potential or actually
will give us "unnatural" fears, responses, etc.
When "The Journey" begins and probably up until the end stage...those
afflicted know there is something wrong with them. They can tell by the
time span between lucid moments. They can tell by the way we respond to
them. They can tell by our body language. And most unfortunately -
there is still a "stigma" surrounding all of this. In the past, those
afflicted were chained to a bed in their own room for their protection.
Modern medicine has come such a long, long way from then until today.
And probably most importantly - those afflicted are scared. I witnessed
this first-hand when my Dad was in the heart hospital. A man - probably
my age - was walked around half of the floor and told to tell them when
they got to his room. It went in a good sized square. He missed it on
the first try and recognized it on the second lap. I heard him say he
wanted his wife taken care of and requested papers to sign right then.
I don't know what caused his situation.
This subject has filled many books, fliers, pamphlets, and the like. I
was just intrigued by the responses I received when I "glossed over" a
small undesired behavior. In the case of my uncle...when I brought him
home from the hospital after his evaluation and the medicines were
adjusted...he knew. He knew something was wrong. I can still see the
look in his eyes when he said: "Thank-you for bringing me home." It
still haunts me. I am glad I visited regularly...to talk about nothing
in particular...or to listen to his memories. I am glad I went "above
and beyond" the required. He probably did not want to listen to
me...but he did.
For more information or information detailed to your questions/needs,
call the American Alzheimer's Association, The Wexner Clinic or
Versailles Health Care Center...to name a some choices. They can steer
you in the best direction.
Remember the kiddies and our service people. Take good care of the
furry and feathered ones out there. Be safe and healthy. See ya next
time., Ever Toodles!! MONA
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