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Along Life’s Way
Toilet Paper: 3
Sheets to the Wind
By Lois E. Wilson
My verse sets the dispute: The Paper Poll
A curious man from Dover
One day did pause to wonder,
Should TP spin from over
Or always pull from under?
He said, “Choose well it’s clover;
Choose wrong, it falls asunder.
Ann Landers states that her “over/under” toilet paper debate generated
over 16,000 responses. Some say there is no question that TP should
pull from the top as the 1891 patent of Seth Wheeler has a drawing of
it oriented that way. However, one might argue he had to orient it in
that position to show the perforations he was patenting.
The number of surveys about TP done by manufacturers, scientists,
health and environmental interests is astounding. There is even a
Toilet Paper Encyclopedia website where it is reported that when asked,
”If stranded on a desert island with only one necessity, what would you
choose?” 49% of responders chose toilet paper over food.
In one survey of 2000 people, personality traits are attributed to what
you choose. It wanted to determine how assertiveness figured into
choices:
“Overs” were more dominant. Type A. If they found an “under” roll, they
might flip it.
“Unders” were more submissive and laid-back. They gained 2” of space.
Another survey found liberals were more likely “overs”—conservatives
“unders.” In most studies around 68% prefer over.
Manufacturers have studied do people wrap TP around their hand, crumple
it or fold it? A third crumple; the rest fold or wrap. They conclude:
Crumplers are devil-may-care, in and out of the bathroom fast with
little fuss.
Folders are deliberate, efficient, sensible and organized.
“Mummyers” or wrappers may be trying to protect their hands or gain
peace of mind for fear of running out of paper.
We can bog our brains down with the decisions about TP we make: what
ply, color, texture, size of roll, plain or patterned? Putting a roll
of TP in a dispenser is a one-item aptitude test.
Joey Bishop said, “Gas stations keep their cash registers open and
their restrooms locked. Toilet paper must be worth more than money.”
Others have stated, “May your life be like a roll of toilet paper—long
and useful.” If you’re forced to give up your TP, I hope you have a
good “bidet!”
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