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Mind, Body, Soul
Changing and a New Year
By Mona Lease
Greetings, Gals!! And Happy Belated New Year!! I looked at the
date - 2019 - and I thought I'd not be seeing that for a while. Where'd
the year go?? It seems that 2018 held a lot of "learning lessons" -
some easy - some not so easy. We've been reading the book, "The Art of
Letting Go" and I find that a lot of the material applies to more than
just the man/woman love relationships.
The Art of Letting Go - Chapter 15 - "The Truth About Changing Them" - Kim Quindlen
You won't. Because you can't. Whether you know it now, or you're still
in the process of learning the truth, at some point you'll understand
that the only person you can control in your life is yourself.
Other people can be manipulated, bullied, guilted, pleaded with. But
the only way they are going to truly change is of their own accord,
from the inside out.
But it feels better to just hope for change anyway, to hope that they
start behaving differently so that you can fix (what's left of) your
relationship. When you've given so much of yourself to a relationship
and to another person, it seems so much easier to stay and hope that
eventually they'll magically be different, than it is to go and move on.
Sometimes the change really is necessary: They're abusive, or
unfaithful, or unbelievably selfish, or even just completely apathetic
to the relationship. But whether the desire for change is out of
righteousness or plain old preference is irrelevant, because it's not
something you will ever have the power to bring about. You will never
be able to change their essence, unless they want to change.
That's one of the hardest parts about relationships. Understanding the
difference between being flexible and willing to compromise, versus
standing your ground when you know you deserve better.
The difference between having high standards and finding a person who
truly loves you, versus having a demanding, ridiculous list of
expectations, none of which you are willing to bend on, and all of
which are impossible to uphold at the same time.
But it's also the key to being happy in your love life. Being able to
understand when to stay, and when to walk away. When you're being
shallow and high maintenance, and when you're just being firm about the
treatment you know you deserve.
You can't force someone to love you, to treat you a certain way. To be
honest, faithful, supportive, and kind. But you can love yourself
enough to acknowledge when you're being treated wrongly and when you
deserve better.
It's not about changing them. It never has been. If you're doing
research and brainstorming ways you can "fix" them, you're fighting a
losing battle.
The only direction you should be turning is inward. Listen to yourself,
listen to your gut. If they're mistreating you in some way, you will
know.
If you're just being overly demanding, you'll know (if you really, honestly listen to yourself).
You do not have the power to change them.
What you do have the power to do is decide whether or not you're going to stay.
"Sometimes all you need is for someone to just be there, even if they
can't solve your problems. Just knowing there is someone who cares can
make all the difference." - sun.gazing.com
The best is yet to be!! MONA
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