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What
"Village?"
By Mona Lease
Hi, all!!! I heard a guy talking of his daughter's death. Of how her
memory was slipping away and people didn't seem to understand how it
hurt him. How her memory was all he had. How it had not even been a
year since her untimely demise. He spoke of his son-in-law and
granddaughter...who is 8 months old. He quoted Christy -
who said it took a village to raise a child (family). So sir, the
following is for you.
If you were speaking of Christy Sillman: She was born with CHD
(Congenital Heart Disease). Her and her husband's first date was
canceled when she was taken into emergency surgery for an appendectomy.
He was at her bedside - with flowers in his hand - when she awoke. He
told her he'd never leave her side. In later years he said he knew what
he was "signing up for" when he married her. She has friends who have
stood beside her through all of her life-saving surgeries. She has had
one son. - Christy Sillman, "It Takes a Village," Adult Congenital
Heart Association
The quoted "origin" of "It Takes a Village To Raise a Child (or
family)" is said to be an Igbo and Yoruba proverb. It exists in many
African languages. (Wikipedia)
"It Takes a Village to Raise a Child: How to Rebuild the Village" 5
Simple Ways to Rebuild the Village - Labor, Mom, and Beyond; March 13,
2018, Parenting
1)Really See the People Around You: There is always someone who is
crying out for help. It's not always as obvious as a crying baby.
2)Make the First Move to Help: People are reluctant to ask for
help...or accept help from strangers.
3)Prove Your Sincerity by Following Up: People can be so polite, never
saying what they really want or need. We start to get out of our
comfort zone opening ourselves up to rejection and even judgement.
Vulnerability must precede change. For the village to return, we need
to practice some openness with acquaintances and strangers.
4)Push Past the Boundaries of Your Comfort Zone: It's so easy for us to
stay silent. That silence may stem from feelings of inadequacy, fear of
reprisal, fear of vulnerability, or even selfishness. To take back the
village, it will take courage. It will take - God forbid - putting down
our phones and really seeing the people around us. It will take a
village. But it can start with you.
5)Don't Be Afraid to Ask For Help: If you are the one needing help,
don't look at the people around you as if they were unfeeling pigs,
self-absorbed to the point where they don't care with what you are
struggling. Maybe they see you and empathize, but they are scared to
step into your personal boundary and out of their comfort zone. Ask
them. Give them the permission to help you. You just might be surprised.
Rebuilding the village takes a village. It won't happen in a day. It
won't happen with just one person. The "butterfly effect" holds true
though, and every little positive action will ripple outward.
And the following is my personal favorite. In the old Orthodox Jewish
tradition (some 3,000 years hence and forward for a while) - when a
Father took his baby son...some days old...to the Temple to be blessed
by the Rabbi (and whatever else they did at that time)...he took ten
(10!) of his male friends with him to stand with him during the
ceremony. Why the 10 friends?? Those 10 friends were saying to the
Rabbi, to the Father of the young son, and to God..."We are going to
help the Father (our friend) raise this child. Get him (the child)
where he needs to go. Teach him (the child) what he needs to know.
Think about this a minute. Ten (10!) guys plus the Father. That's
eleven (11!) guys. If eleven (11) guys can't keep a child in
line...keep him growing...keep him happy, healthy, and wise...I don't
know. That's a "Village"...ain't it??
I have a call into Jewish regional headquarters. They have not
responded yet. I'm curious. There's Orthodox Jewish, a Jewish sect
that's not as strict, and another Jewish sect of which I can't recall
the name. My point here? Maybe it's not just the African Americans, or
the Indian Americans, or the White Americans, or the female Americans,
or the Baptists or, or, or...who were "slighted"...if you will. Maybe
we left the "Village" to look at something we thought was better "over
there."
Remember the kiddies and our service people. Take good care of the
furry and feathered ones out there. Be safe and healthy. See ya next
time. Ever Toodles!! MONA
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