By Lois E. Wilson
Some years ago I wrote this verse:
THE GRAVITY OF GRAVITY
From Isaac Newton ’til today, laws of gravity still hold sway.
Drop the wettest, whitest shirt; it will land in slimy dirt.
You will freeze ’cause blankets fall on the coldest night of all.
If a vase is bumped to doom, it will be the prized heirloom.
Things in your purse–think you’ve got ’em? You will find them in the bottom.
And those car keys always fall between seats in space so small.
As you age, the floor drops too; you can’t reach things past your shoe.
Face furrows form; there’s a frown; and the waistline dips, drapes down.
Bodies become hard to lift from this top to bottom shift.
Sir Isaac did not warn us that gravity would be thus:
The apple that falls so firm--watch! It often hides a worm.
I suppose there are many positives to gravity. It holds us firmly to the planet. Who would enjoy sports such as golf, baseball, football, and basketball if the balls never came back down to their targets? Seeds don’t float away never to come back to Earth. The skirts of women’s dresses are more likely to stay in place.
Also it is easier to drink and eat our food. We don’t have to anchor plates and silverware. All in all, gravity makes our lives comfortable. Early in life it helped me decide one of the big problems of life; one that is still being debated.
I wrote a column about it several years ago. Do you put the toilet paper roll in its holder so you can pull the paper from over or under? It is a hotly debated question—one I encourage you to solve for yourself.
In my case, I chose “under.” Once toilet paper came in the convenience of rolls, people without in-house toilets probably thanked God for gravity. Otherwise, they would be searching the privy for paper anywhere—even on the ceiling. I chose paper being pulled from underneath as it enables one to tear off the sheets as gravity pulls them downward, and there is more space, One does not have to touch the clean top of the roll.
It is amazing that this subject has been so well studied. Newton would have laughed at us. One thing I do suggest is when you are floating on air because of some good fortune—always try to keep both feet on the ground and at least one eye focused on reality.