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Broke Wife, Big City
Breakfast for Dinner: Recipe for Disaster
By Aprill Brandon
SCENE: A messy living room, littered with the dead bodies of an epic
battle between the Naked Barbies Battalion and the Funko Pop Regiment.
Two young children, a boy and a girl, ages 6 and 4 respectively, are
dramatically lying on the floor among the ruins.
A Mother, late 30’s, comically full wine glass in hand and giving off strong swamp witch vibes, enters the room.
Mother: Hey guys! What’s going on?
Son: We’re BORED.
Daughter: SO BORED.
Mother: Ah, well, don’t let me interrupt. Just wanted to let you know I
was going to do something different for tonight. What do you guys think
about breakfast for dinner?
Son: What’s breakfast for dinner?
Mother: It’s, you know, when you have breakfast for dinner.
Son: I don’t understand.
Mother: Breakfast. For dinner. I’ll make eggs. Sausage. Oh! Homefries!
Daughter: But we already ate breakfast.
Mother: Yeah. I know. But this is breakfast for dinner.
*sound of crickets*
Mother: It’s fun.
Son: Why?
Mother: Why is it fun?
Son: Yeah.
Daughter: Yeah.
Mother: Because...it’s different. It’s, I don’t know. Breaking the
rules. Eating breakfast food at night. We’re culinary rebels. Also,
bacon.
Daughter: Can we have chocolate for dinner instead?
Mother: No.
Daughter: But chocolate is fun.
Son: But you always say we can’t have macaroni and cheese for breakfast.
Mother: Yeah. And?
Son: And you said we couldn’t have macaroni and cheese for breakfast
because it’s not a breakfast food but now you’re saying we can eat
breakfast food for dinner. Were you lying?
Mother: No. Look, it’s just something fun.
Son: Macaroni and cheese is fun.
Mother: We’re not talking about macaroni and cheese. We’re talking about dinner tonight.
Son: OK. But can we have macaroni and cheese for breakfast tomorrow?
Mother: No.
Son: Can we have macaroni and cheese as breakfast for dinner tonight?
Mother: No! Look, you guys aren’t getting the whole spirit of this thing.
Daughter: There is always chocolate. Everyone likes chocolate.
Son: I don’t understand. What are the rules!?
Mother: It only goes one way. You can have breakfast for dinner but not dinner for breakfast.
Son: Why?
Mother: Because a society has to have rules or it falls apart.
Son: Society is dumb.
Mother: Yes, it is.
Son: So we can have macaroni and cheese?
Mother: *let’s out primal scream*
Daughter: Gummi bears are also fun.
The Father enters the room, oblivious.
Father: Hey gang, what are we thinking for dinner?
The Mother drains her wine glass. She lets out an impressive burp.
Mother: Pizza.
Son: Yay!
Daughter: Yay!
Father: Again?
Daughter: Can we get chocolate pizza?
Mother: I’m going to get more wine.
END SCENE
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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