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Broke Wife, Big City
Hey Randy!
By Aprill Brandon
In this age of Larger-Than-Life characters, there lurks in the shadows
another archetype. One that often gets overlooked in all the noise and
chaos. Yet, there they stoically stay, content to remain on the
sidelines, only emerging in times of great need.
The Quiet Hero.
They can be any gender, any race, any age, any ethnicity. The only
thing they have in common is that they quietly do hero stuff and ask
for nothing in return. They are the mythic ones whose mild mannered
alter-ego is exactly the same as their mild-mannered superhero ego.
Which brings me to Randy. He’s our landlord’s loyal handyman. Randy the
Handyman, if you will. We’ve known him for almost a decade now.
We’ve known his assistant, Jacob, for quite a few years now too. It was
these two Quiet Heroes who strode bravely into our house yesterday, on
a mission to fix our garbage disposal, unaware of the hurricane they
were walking into. For, unbeknownst to them, our preschooler and first
grader haven’t seen the inside of a school since March. They haven’t
had a sleepover in almost a year. They haven’t been unceremoniously
dumped at MeMaw’s for a week or played organized sports or been to camp
for a long, long time.
It was the perfect storm.
And so, in honor of these noble gentlemen, I immediately got out my
laptop and transcribed what followed as accurately as I could.
*knock at door*
Hi! Randy! Hi! Hey Randy!
Hey! Hey Randy! Look at my toy! Randy!
What’s that other guy’s name again?
Hey! Hi Jacob! Jacob, hey, hi!
Randy, I lost four teeth!
I have pink headphones, want to see?
I have blue ones!
Have you ever read the book “Too Many Toys”? Hey Randy, have you ever read the book “Too Many Toys”?
I said I have blue ones! Blue headphones! Hey Randy!
Hey Jacob! Have you ever read “Too Many Toys”?
Hey Randy, I plug my headphones into the little hole on my tablet. Just like this.
There’s a funny part where the mom goes “Spencer, you have TOO MANY TOYS!” What are you guys doing?
Hey Randy! Do you want to see the comic book I wrote?
Hey, our dog died.
Yeah, our dog died.
Can I play with your tools?
What’s that thing do?
Can I have this?
What’s a garbage disposal?
Did they teach you how to fix this in school?
Hey, we just learned about germs today.
Hey! Guys! Look what I can do!
Look at my purse! Hey Randy! I keep all the shiny stuff in here. Do you guys like shiny stuff?
I made a spaceship out of Legos! Or maybe it’s a boat.
Hey Jacob, are you a cowboy? You look like a cowboy.
How old are you, Randy? Because you look old.
Hey! Watch me do this! Are you watching? Watch.
Where are you putting the old...what’s that thing called again?
Can I help?
Yeah, hey, can I help?
Did you know when dogs die they go over the rainbow bridge?
My favorite food is mac and cheese! What’s your favorite food? Is it cupcakes?
This went on for over an hour. And not only did these two men not
slaughter my entire family with a socket wrench, they actually listened
to everything my kids hurled rapid-fire at them and answered all their
questions and stopped numerous times to “watch this!” All while also
trying to do their jobs. All while keeping big smiles on their faces.
Yes, not all heroes wear capes. Some simply wear a toolbelt and give
kindly attention to two little kids bravely trying to weather a
pandemic.
Hey Randy. Hey Jacob. Thank you.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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