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No party for the squirrels in my neighborhood
By Melissa Martin, Ph.D.
Squirrel Appreciation Day is January 21, 2020. Christy Hargrove, a
wildlife rehabilitator, from Asheville, North Carolina started this
rodent celebration on January 21, 2001. Christy, why do humans need a
day to give kudos to squirrels?
I want to create a “Squirrel Stay Out of My Yard Day” to keep my dog
from going bonkers whenever the bushy-tailed creatures sprint by the
window. Which seems to happen a lot. Then my other dog joins in the
barking and howling fest. My dog’s New Year’s resolution is to catch
that creepy critter.
My biggest complaint is when the feisty chattering varmints take bites
out of the tomatoes in my garden. What’s up with that? It’s just rude.
I don’t sneak into their walnut stash. I need a chew-proof tomato. The
Old Farmer’s Almanac says to plant nasturtiums, marigolds, and mustard
as a border around your vegetable garden; these plants have an
unpleasant aroma.
Those bulb-digging bandits are known to steal my freshly planted flower
bulbs in the Fall. And they bury acorns in my lawn. Squirrels are
hoarders with shoddy memories—they forget where they buried the
treasure. They’d make poor pirates.
“Squirrels are a nuisance and frustration for many gardeners when the
critters dig up newly planted tulip and crocus bulbs. They can be
difficult to deter, as they are attracted to the freshly dug earth that
is a result of your bulb planting. When they run across the disturbed
soil, they will investigate what is buried there and end up finding
your bulbs instead of a stash of nuts. The squirrels will sometimes
taste the bulbs and then just drop them somewhere in your yard,”
according to an article in the Chicago Tribune.
Those malicious mammals are arboreal acrobats that will find a way to
eat birdseed from any feeder. And their teeth are scary. Squirrel teeth
never stop growing. Argh. They are chewing machines with beady eyes.
Does anybody know of a Squirrel Whisperer for hire? A person that can
think like a rodent. I don’t want to harm the furry pests; I just want
them to go far away.
According to a 2018 story in the Springfield News Sun, in the early
1800s, squirrels were a huge problem in Ohio. “The population exploded
in Kentucky and thousands of squirrels swam across the Ohio River to
attack the corn fields of Ohio.” That is bizarre. An Ohio River
squirrel invasion. Farmer against fiend. I can imagine the rodent
soldiers wearing tiny helmets and carrying teeny machetes. “Charge—corn
on the cob for all!”
According to several articles on the internet, squirrels can swim. They
“dog paddle” with their front legs and use their tail as a rudder. Who
knew?
No posting fun squirrel stories from me on social media at
#SquirrelAppreciationDay. Christy may consider squirrels to be furry
friends and cuddly little forest creatures, but not me.
Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is an author, columnist, educator, and
therapist. She lives in Southern Ohio. Contact her at
melissamcolumnist@gmail.com.
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