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Prevention Action Alliance
Know! How to Keep Kids in Focus If Divorce Occurs
Teachers: We encourage you to share the following Know! Parent Tip with
parents you know via email, a parent newsletter, during parent-teacher
conferences, or however you communicate with them.
As the holiday season came to a close, a new, far less joyful season
began—the divorce season. January is known as a time of new beginnings;
wiping the slate clean and starting fresh. For many married couples,
that unfortunately means separation and divorce. In fact, January sees
such a spike in marriages being ended that it is recognized as National
Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month.
Why the child-centered focus? Because as painful as separation and
divorce are for the couple going through it, they can be devastating
and disastrous for the children involved. National Child-Centered
Divorce Awareness Month was created to alert parents about the
potential effects of divorce on children, and to help protect young
people’s emotional, psychological, and physical well-being.
To be clear, this month is not meant to encourage unhappy couples to
remain together for the sake of the children. For some families,
especially those whose home is filled with constant anger and turmoil,
divorce can actually bring about relief not only for the couple
involved, but for the children as well. The awareness month is instead
about recognizing the complexities of divorce on all family members and
taking into account the needs and feelings of the children, as a
separating couple makes decisions along the way.
Keep Teens in Mind
Teens who witness a painful and ugly divorce between their parents, may
become emotionally distraught and turn to unhealthy coping strategies
like drinking, smoking, and self-harming (cutting for example). This is
often an attempt to deal with or escape their overwhelming feelings.
Statistics show that teenagers whose parents get divorced are four
times more likely to misuse alcohol and drugs than those teens whose
parents remain together. There are times in a child’s life when they
are at greater risk for alcohol and drug use. Parental divorce is one
of those times. These children are also at greater risk for
experiencing sleep problems, difficulties in school, having eating
disorders, losing interest in social activities, and engaging in
rebellious behaviors.
Child-Centered Divorce Network founder Rosalind Sedacca, CDC, says
parents can help combat some of the negatives. She encourages parents
to first put themselves in their children’s shoes. Take into account
that the world as they know it is gone. The foundation on which they’ve
stood may feel as though it is crumbling beneath them.
The Six Points of Child-Centered Divorce
Sedacca says parents must confidently and consistently convey six essential points to children in the midst of divorce:
This is not your fault.
You are and will always remain safe.
Mom and Dad will always be your parents.
Mom and Dad will always love you.
This is about change, not about blame.
Things will work out okay.
Child experts also say that youth should be encouraged to talk openly
and regularly about how they are feeling so as not to become
overwhelmed with bottled up emotions. Children need to know they do not
have to pick sides. And regardless of the circumstances that brought
about the divorce, they are allowed and encouraged to love both parents.
It’s also important for parents not to badmouth one another to your
children. Be careful how much information you share with your
children—your child should not be your confidant in this instance. And
never use your child as a weapon against the other parent.
Most couples who begin the divorce process in January typically think
about it long before the New Year, but they want to make it through the
holidays first. If you and/or your spouse are thinking about,
discussing, or are in the process of separating or divorcing, it is
critically important to keep the split “child-centered.” As painful and
difficult as it may be, your child’s health and well-being are at stake.
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