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Prevention Action Alliance
Know! To Talk About George Floyd and Racism
There remains a great deal of apprehension and uncertainty in our
country as we move forward in life amidst a pandemic. However, just as
life seemed to be moving in a more positive direction, we were hit
again by a virus of another type, one that has plagued our nation for
generations—racism. It most recently reared its ugly head through the
death of George Floyd. The amount of anger, anguish, and unrest many
Americans are feeling has reached epidemic levels—and rightfully so.
Our young people are watching and learning. The question is, what are
we teaching them?
Discussing racism can be extremely uncomfortable, even when talking to
our children. How do we get the conversation started, what do we say,
and how much do we tell them?
While these are all good questions, it is important to keep in mind
that we do not have to have all the answers. What matters is that we
talk at an age appropriate level; we push through the discomfort and
talk about the unjust death of George Floyd and others, and we address
the racism that still exists in our country.
Experts say we do a disservice to our children by avoiding the topic of
racism and that it would be naive of us to think we’re somehow
protecting children by not talking to them about it. Experts also say
we’d be naïve to believe that our children are unaware of the incidents
surrounding George Floyd’s death, including the peaceful protests, and
unfortunately the destructive and violent riots that have followed.
Chances are, our adolescent children are well-aware of what happened,
and if they have access to a smartphone, may have even watched the full
recording of George Floyd’s death.
What is a parent to do?
Talk about it: Be their information filter. Children may come to
harmful conclusions about race when it is not talked about openly. Keep
in mind that if your tweens/teens aren’t hearing about it from you, you
can rest assured they are hearing it from others who may not share your
family’s same morals and values.
Keep the conversation calm and factual: Children take cues from their
parents. You do not have to be void of emotion, but do not allow anger,
frustration, or sadness to overshadow the message you are trying to get
across to your child. Share the truth but keep it age-appropriate.
Validate their feelings: This will look different for every child. Some
may fear for themselves, friends, or family members, or they may fear
the riots they are witnessing on TV. It is important to acknowledge
whatever anxieties, anger, or other negative emotions that may come up
for them.
Encourage questions: It can sometimes be challenging to engage young
people in conversation, especially when the topic is uncomfortable.
However, if you give them space and help them feel comfortable, they
might surprise you.
Here are a few questions you can ask to get the conversation started:
What were you thinking and how did you feel when you first heard about what happened to George Floyd?
What are people saying about racism on social media or among your friends, and how has it impacted you?
In your opinion, what do you think should happen next?
While it is true that we don’t have to have all the answers, we can and
should take steps to educate ourselves so that we can best teach our
children. It is also critical to be aware that as parents, our words
and actions on race weigh heavily on the influence of our children.
Clinical Psychologist Howard Stevenson, who works with educators and
families to understand the trauma and stress of race-based hate, took
it a step further by adding, “Children watch what their parents don't
do during racial moments as much as what they actually purposely
teach.” In other words, a parent’s inaction carries as much weight as
their action.
The bottom line is this, have a conversation with your children now,
whatever that looks like in your family. It’s ok if you don’t have all
the answers. Simply do your best to answer with empathy, compassion,
and honesty, and considerate it an opportunity to learn together with
your child. Open the lines of communication on this topic, and keep it
going.
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