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Broke Wife, Big City
How I Spent My Spring Quarantine
By Aprill Brandon
During my spring quarantine, my family and I went to a lot of places.
It was neat. My favorite place was the back porch. We blew bubbles. We
drew lots and lots of chalk drawings too. We ate snacks out there.
There were a lot of snacks. Doritos were my favorite. I got to eat a
whole bag all by myself! The kids drank lots of root beer. And the
parents were allowed to drink wine whenever they wanted no matter what
time it was because there are no rules anymore.
We also traveled to the front yard. We blew bubbles and did more chalk
drawings. I drew a naughty stick figure on the sidewalk but my husband
covered it up. He is lame sometimes. I drank wine from a coffee mug
because more people can see us in the front yard. One day we saw our
neighbor, Shanna. All four of us started excitedly shouting at her at
the same time. We hadn’t seen many people since March. She looked
scared.
After that we tried playing soccer in our yard. But then we realized that none of us like soccer because it is stupid.
We also did a lot of cool things inside. We learned to play the card
games “Go Fish” and “War.” It was fun. Then my children started
fighting and accusing each other of cheating. Which was so dumb. I was
the one cheating. My husband says that is wrong. He is so lame.
My kids also learned how to climb everything inside the house. I
worried a lot that they would get hurt. They told me they would not get
hurt. I was tired so I said ok.
I hung out in the attic a lot. I told my family I was “writing” in my
makeshift office. But really I was watching “Stranger Things” and
reading Stephen King books. I also ate a lot of snacks up there.
Sometimes we would get bored during quarantine. One time, when we were
bored, we played Twister. I heard something in my knee go pop! Now it
hurts to walk up stairs. My husband says I need to be careful because I
am 38. He’s so lame. I’m not going to let him borrow the roller skates
I ordered off Amazon even if he asks really, really nicely.
Another time I was bored I cut my own bangs. Everyone said I shouldn’t.
But I did. My face looks crooked now. My friend Cara D. said she liked
them though.
One time we were so bored I let the kids do finger painting. It made a
huge mess. The kids were happy but I was sad. They did not help clean
up at all. My son’s teacher told me my feelings were valid though. She
is a nice lady.
I think our dog is bored too. One day he pooped in the middle of the
living room. It was gross. Then he did it again the next day. I think
he wants us all out of his house. Probably because we are loud and
won’t share our Doritos with him.
We watched so many movies. We also fought over which movies to watch a lot. I usually won because I am the bossiest.
We also got to eat in the living room in front of the TV a lot, which
was super neat. We ate a lot of cool things, like pizza topped with
french fries and mozzarella sticks, and pizza that had barbecued
chicken on it. If I could I would eat pizza for every meal. It is my
favorite food. My husband says we have to feed the kids fruit
occasionally. I wish he wasn’t so lame sometimes.
Things are very different now but some things are ok. My husband wears
his robe to work every day now. It makes him happy. Although sometimes
he yells the Big Curse Words at the computer.
I wear my pajamas every day too. So do the kids. We also yell the Big
Curse Words at each other but no one hears us so it is ok. I love my
family. Especially after drinking wine and eating snacks.
In conclusion, I had a great time on my spring quarantine. But I would not want to do it again. Except the pizza part.
The End.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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