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Broke Wife, Big City
In These Uncertain Times
By Aprill Brandon
Hey, want a fun 2020 drinking game? Take a shot every time you read an
article that includes the phrase “in these uncertain times.” I’ll help
you get started.
In these uncertain times (drink!), I am constantly torn between making
every effort to stay as healthy as I possibly can and saying screw all
of this, the world is constantly on the brink of disaster, let’s burn
it down. It, of course, meaning my physical, mental and emotional
health.
Because on one hand, the best thing I can do, the smartest thing, the
most logical, to survive and to thrive in these uncertain times
(hey-oh!) is to stay as healthy as I can. Which is why I go for daily
runs every morning. It keeps my body strong but more importantly, I’m
also usually able to outrun my mental demons. At least for a little
bit.
And then I go onto Facebook for five minutes, where everyone splashes
their own mental demons all over the place and I’m like, hey, let’s
make this coffee Irish. The world is a madhouse.
But maybe it won’t always be, I tell myself after throwing my cell
phone across the room. So I make a healthy breakfast. This too shall
pass, you know?
Yup, it’ll pass right up until the planet dies from global warming, I
also tell myself, because sometimes I am just the worst in these
uncertain times (bottoms up). Which is when my breakfast magically
turns into a family-sized bag of Cheetos.
No, no, I have to stay positive. If nothing else then for my children’s
sake. They’re so young and innocent. The world can still be a beautiful
place, right? A beautiful place that everyone wants to go out in and
stand way too close to each other forgoing any kind of protection so
that there is another spike in Covid-19 this fall and they cancel
school and I’m still stuck with my kids all day and someone bring me a
carton of cigarettes and whatever the hell that drug Molly is.
Slow down, slow down. The key word here in these uncertain times
(you’re welcome) is “uncertain.” No one knows what’s going to happen.
We can make educated guesses and we can make smart decisions and listen
to the scientists and we can keep calm and carry on. Uncertain doesn’t
necessarily have to mean bad. I was once uncertain about my husband
when I first met him. And it turns out he’s an amazing human being whom
I love dearly even though he currently looks like Grizzly Adams and I
haven’t seen him in three days even though he is working from home
because he’s working 14 hour days to help out his company in these
uncertain times (hell, take two, I’ll join you).
At least this is a way to slow down. To take walks and have picnics
with my family. Although all this isolation is clearly having a
negative effect on my 3-year-old who is full-on turning into Jack from
“The Shining.” All family and no friends makes Mae a dull girl. She’s
definitely going to murder us. Or need years of therapy. Or both.
So, you know what? Carpe diem, baby. Which is a fancy way of saying
I’ve never tried cocaine but I think I might like it. And if there ever
was a time for a 38-year-old mom to try it, 2020 would be it, yeah?
Except no. Right? Because the world is not ending. Things are bad,
sure, but they could be worse. Also, nothing we can’t bounce back from.
Also I don’t even know where to get cocaine. And according to 80’s
movies you have to snuff it up your nose and that sounds horrid.
Maybe I’ll just take a depression nap.
Hey, remember back when we were in certain times, you know, when our
biggest worry was just nuclear war and vast corruption and rampant
racism and sexism. It’s fun that those are still there too on top of
all the fun new 2020 stuff.
Sigh. In these uncertain times.
The point is, none of us know the future. But it does look bleak
currently. But throughout history, bleak is when we humans shine the
hardest. But you never know. But we are nothing without hope. But we
are on the brink of destruction. But I want to see my great
grandchildren and have them call me Gam Gam
So, in these uncertain times, I salute you. All of us. We’ll get
through this together. Because there is no other choice. Together or
not at all.
In these uncertain times. In these uncertain times. In these uncertain times.
Cheers.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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