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Young People Struggle To Keep Friends Close As Pandemic Pulls Them Apart
Hadia Bakkar
February 23, 2021
Emma Fritschel, 25, and Evelyn Wang, 23, met on the first day of their
freshman year as roommates almost six years ago and have been
inseparable ever since.
But then the COVID-19 pandemic strained their relationship in ways they had never before experienced.
"Things were really tense between us for reasons that we both kind of
came up with in our heads," Wang says. At the heart of it, they were
both struggling with communication.
Brought together by a similar interest in visual art and fashion, they
experienced many traditional milestones together, including graduation
from college and beginning their professional careers.
Wang and Fritschel live in New York City and Cambridge, Mass.,
respectively. After graduation, they made a habit of visiting each
other once a month to keep in contact until the pandemic slowed down
travel and they were robbed of the short weekends they spent together.
Their friendship, like many others, switched to purely virtual.
For Fritschel and Wang, a crucial part of their dynamic prior to the
pandemic was being in each other's presence. When that element
disappeared, both had to grapple with a question: What does their
friendship mean now with barriers and pandemic restrictions limiting
their ability to be in the same space?
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"Vulnerable and upset"
"Postgrad," a transitional — and often challenging — period that recent
college graduates encounter as they enter the workforce or move on to
the next step of their lives, has been exacerbated by the pandemic.
Many college graduates are struggling to find jobs in the worst
economic recession in modern American history. According to the U.S.
Bureau of Labor Statistics, 46.7% of young people ages 16-24 were
employed in July 2020, a decrease from 56.2% reported during the same
time in 2019.
The prolonging of the transition amid a tough economy and shrinking of
social interactions has its emotional toll. A study conducted by the
Centers for Disease and Control Prevention found that 46% of surveyed
young people ages 18 to 24 reported feeling symptoms of anxiety and
stressor-related disorders due to the pandemic. Out of all age groups,
young people reported the highest percentage.
A report released by Making Caring Common, a Harvard Graduate School of
Education Project, indicated that more than 1 in 3 Americans said they
experienced "serious loneliness" during the pandemic, but young adults
are feeling it the most at 61%.
During the pandemic, Wang moved out of her family home. She got a new
job and adopted a dog as well. Fritschel felt left out of those life
updates, and Wang, in return, was feeling conscious of the fact that
they both have moved on in their lives, and seemingly without each
other.
"These big moments were happening and they were passing us by and I
wasn't a part of it," Fritschel says. "I think each of us and in our
minds would be happy for the other person, but also vulnerable and
upset."
As the pandemic's restrictions' stretched on, both Wang and Fritschel's
insecurities about their relationship started to bubble. Even when they
finally saw each other, months later, socially distanced in a park, it
was not the same. Fritschel describes it as "damaging" to the
friendship. Wang agrees, saying that she kept thinking about how to
maintain boundaries and stay safe.
Eventually, they had a big argument discussing the insecurities that
festered over the course of the past year, mainly about their
friendship, but also about each other's artistic skills.
"It turns out that my insecurities that I thought were insane, were
actually the exact same that Emma was feeling," Wang says. "That's
crazy that we both feel this way," she reflects.
Fritschel contends that it was often hard to express negative feelings because it takes attention away from the other person.
Postgrad tensions "amplified"
Maya Lee, 24, from Indianapolis, had a similar experience. Although she
has successfully kept in touch with her close-knit friends virtually,
sometimes she feels unsure about discussing certain topics in their
limited phone time, like her recent transition to medical school.
"I have a lot of negative things to say as of late. That's just
genuinely how I'm feeling. And I own that," Lee says. She does not want
to bring herself or any of her friends down, even though she knows that
would probably not be the case.
As a graduate of the class of 2019, she says that even before the
pandemic, the year after graduation can be a somewhat hard experience
to navigate for some.
Clare Mclnerney, 23, a 2020 graduate from Scarsdale, N.Y., who
currently works as a first-grade teacher intern, says that the pandemic
amplified natural tensions between her recent college graduate circles
during the post-graduation transition.
For Mclnerney, one of the main challenges to maintaining friendships
right now is navigating how each person is in a completely different
and equally valuable place.
"People are feeling insecure about where they are in terms of the job
search, in terms of the housing search," Mclnerney says. "It all just
really compounds when you add the pandemic."
She adds that the "tension of not knowing what to share and what people
want to hear about and what's going to make them anxious" can be
especially tricky to navigate. Therefore, she realized that connecting
through games or watching movies can ease the impact of those stressors
on friendships.
Mclnerney mentions that she sometimes feels guilty because she enjoys
her job and is mostly doing well given the circumstances, which is
perceived to be not very common among recent graduates at the moment.
Loss of prime time
Jonah Andreatta, 23, from Lexington, Ky., a middle school and high
school band director, found ways to connect with friends virtually but
still feels a loss. The "romanticized" version of early 20s adulthood
contradicts with life under the pandemic.
"Here we are at this young age wanting to start things, wanting to go
out into the world and try everything and be young and travel and see
each other," Andreatta says. "But we are stuck in our apartments."
For Wang and Fritschel, they knew that their friendship was too
important to lose, and after their argument, the friendship rebounded
stronger than ever.
They also found new ways to connect besides the occasional Zoom chat and are currently working on an art project together.
"You can't just assume that things are good because you know that you
love each other. That is not enough," Wang says, reflecting on the
experience of maintaining a long-distance friendship during the
pandemic.
"You still have to maintain the relationship. If you care about that person, you put in work."
Read this and other stories at NPR
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